But there is something liberating about it too. At last, the guilt has a reason to be there - the guilt that has lain heavy on your shoulders for so many months of secrets, and lies, and deception. Months of dashing around, of avoiding certain streets. Months of illicit meetings in Soho and nervous glances on street corners.

What if they see me? I'd think. What if someone they know sees me?

But you keep going, because that's the situation you're in now, and you either deal with it, or you stop. But you can't stop. Because you've started now, and you're in it up to your neck, and besides ... it feels so right.

The man who used to cut my hair is called Tom, and he was a good man. He was solid. Dependable. Honest. He didn't deserve what I did to him, but I couldn't help myself. Our relationship had started several years before, and when he'd opened his own hairdressers in fashionable Soho, I'd followed him there. In the early days, it had been exciting. He'd try new things, make jokes, tell me little facts about himself. And he listened to what I had to say - really listened. But soon, something changed. He'd suddenly be away on courses, or on holiday, without having told me. Our meetings became predictable. He'd give me the same haircut every time, because he knew what I liked. There was no spontaneity. The sparkle had gone. He'd become distant.

We always said we'd go for a pint one day, but it never happened, and soon it felt like it never would.

We were just two people going through the same old routine.

And then I met Joe.

It was a big night for me - I was hosting the Constructing Excellence Awards 2008 - and I had to look my best because, boy, the construction industry knows a good haircut when it sees it. I put a call in to Tom to see if he could fit me in. But he was away. On a course.

It's all about the job with him, I thought. His career always takes priority.

I'd resigned myself to celebrating the best of the construction industry's practices and practitioners with an unkempt head of hair. And then I thought, no, the construction industry deserves better, and I walked into a rival hairdressers, which is where I met Joe.

Joe cut my hair brilliantly. Maybe it was the guilt. Maybe it was the unfamiliarity. But it was exciting.

That night, I wowed the construction industry. I talked passionately about the unique bridge between industry, clients, government and the research community that Constructing Excellence provides. I made a joke about architects. I high-fived a CEO, and congratulated him on his work in attracting new clients, cementing existing contracts and building strong links between regional merchants and suppliers.

In short, I had the new confidence a fresh relationship brings.

A few days later, I got a call from Tom.