And then I remember that I also said, 'Let's ask that man.'

'We're just wondering how to get to the escalators ...' says my wife, suddenly there, and all I can do is nod.

'Just over there,' says the lady, in a lady's voice, and she points one lady finger at a huge sign on which is quite clearly written 'escalators'. I notice she is wearing a lady's watch, which is smaller than a man's watch, because ladies have daintier eyes.

I should walk away now. I should thank her for her information and walk away. But I don't. Because I need to make it up to her. I need to make her believe that at no point did I doubt she was a lady.

Got it.

'Bright lights in here!' I say, pointing around me, and then I realise that's not really much of an explanation. In my head, it'd been brilliant. I'd been confused by the glare of the bright lights! I hadn't been thinking straight! I couldn't see properly! But I can tell she is having trouble reading between the lines of my complicated explanation. And besides, there are no bright lights in here, and if there had've been, I'd have obviously seen that she was a woman.

Maybe I should say, 'I mean it's quite dark.'

'Dan!' says my wife, lightly, standing by the escalators. 'Come on!'

She is like a patient owner summoning a stupid dog.

But I have not yet convinced this lady that I know she's a lady.

'I'm just saying about these lights in here,' I say, 'to this lady!'

Uh-oh. I think that sounded sarcastic.

'We'd better go, Dan ...' says my wife, who I think might actually quite like to keep me on little reins, like a toddler.

'Thank you ... madam,' I say, finally, and as seriously as I can, looking her straight in the eye.

'I totally got away with that,' I say to my wife, as we get to the top of the escalator.

'Definitely,' she says. 'There is no way a woman would notice someone in a shop shouting out that she was a man.'

I nod, but something about her tone makes me think she actually means the opposite. I have noticed people do this sometimes.

We walk into the shop next door. My wife stops a little too long to look at the toddler reins.

FRIENDS

It is nice, as a grown-up, to make new friends. I have just made one. I'm sitting in a hotel bar in a foreign country, late at night, with a man who just hours before was a mere friend-of-a-friend. He is wearing a jaunty hat and a silk scarf, which make him look like an eccentric rock star, and he is holding a glass of red wine and gesturing.