'Well, anyway, good to see you,' says Frank, and although I'm relieved because he's clearly winding things up, I'm embarrassed because I'm being dismissed. And not only that - it's implied that Frank would rather have eight minutes on his own than eight minutes with me talking about printer cartridges.

But then something weird happens. He turns and walks off.

Him - not me.

He is pretending that he is exactly where he meant to be, even though he knows I know he is supposed to be waiting for the train.

He is saving me the embarrassment of walking off by doing it for me.

But now I don't know what to do. He has walked off in the direction I'm supposed to be going. And now I can't go that way in case I bump into him again.

So I wait seven minutes, and when Frank's train arrives, I wait for the doors to open, and I step on board.

THE WINGMAN

Steve has lost his lucky walnut and is blaming a recent spate of bad luck on this and this alone.

I didn't even know Steve had a lucky walnut.

'It was quite a recent thing,' he explains, and then looks glum. 'But now it's gone.'

'But you know life can't work that way,' I reassure him, gently. 'Fortune and misfortune can't be reliant on you carrying a walnut around. People don't get run over because they haven't got a walnut in their pocket.'

'I s'pose,' says Steve, shrugging. 'But it was nice to have around, that walnut. It gave me confidence. It was like my wingman.'

'You can't have a walnut as a wingman,' I say.

'Wingmen come in all forms, Dan.'

'Not in nut form,' I say, and I say it firmly, because I'm quite sure about this. 'And anyway, I'm your wingman!'

He smiles at me, and I smile at him. It is intended to be a nice moment. As it turns out, it is also a mistake.

The next evening, I get a text.

'Wingman! I need you!'

Steve is meeting some girls at our local pub - one of whom he's interested in.

'She's great,' he says, when I call him. 'She's a bit younger than me, but she's American, and she's lovely. You have to be my wingman. You said you would!'

I sense the urgency of the situation and I agree to be his replacement walnut for the evening.

When I get there, Steve is already next to the girl, and things are not going well.

'She's just told me I smell!' he whispers.

'Maybe she meant of cupcakes, or something positive,' I whisper, but by whispering I have to get closer to him, and I can tell that she didn't.

The girl, chatting to her friends, gets up to go to the toilet. We can now speak freely.