'... you see that while it's a great pizza, there's something missing ...'

Pizzazz?

'And you think, What can I do here?'

Pizzazz it.

'And then you realise ... you need to give that pizza pizzazz.'

I pretend this has helped.

'I see!' I say. 'Yes. Got you.'

'And that's when you get the sauce out, and you put it on the pizza.'

'Right.'

'Because that's what gives it the pizzazz. Do you see?'

'I do.'

He gives me two thumbs up, and he presses Record.

'Give your pizza pizzazz!' I say, just as I'd said it the very first time that afternoon.

'Brilliant, Danny,' he says. 'I think we've got it!'

We record it another fifty times.

When I get home that night, I have a pizza. I purposely avoid giving it any pizzazz whatsoever.

One month later, I see the advert on TV. I watch, with bated breath.

'Give YOUR pizza PIZZAZZ!' it says.

It is the director's voice.

THE NAME

I am trying to remember the name of the bearded dwarf from 1989 Sega Mega Drive classic Golden Axe as I wander down the high street with Colin.

'I remember the baddie' I say, as we pass AbraKebabra. 'He was called Death Adder. He'd captured the king and his daughter, and was keeping them prisoner in his sinister jail, somewhere outside of Turtle Village. It was ...'

'Didn't ask you what the baddie was called,' says Colin, who is being an idiot. 'Asked you what the bearded dwarf was called.'

'I remember that at one point you're on the back of this giant turtle and he takes you across the sea, and then you get to Death Adder's castle on the back of a giant eagle, who ...'

'Didn't ask you that, either. What's the little fella called? The little blond fella with the axe?'

I try and think.

'I remember that you could ride around on pink Bizarrians, of which one was known as a Chicken-Leg, but ...'

And then, from somewhere behind me, a new voice ...

'Danny?'

I turn, mid-sentence, and stop in my tracks. It's a familiar face.

'Danny!' he says.

'Hey, hi!' I say, delighted. 'How are you?'

We shake hands and I smile and then I realise ...

I have absolutely no idea what this man's name is.

Uh-oh.

I have absolutely no idea what this man's name is.

'What are you up to?' he says, happily, and I go blank.

What am I up to? I now can't focus on anything - even the simplest details - because I can't remember this man's name. What is this man's name?

'I was just talking about Golden Axe!' I say, and then I realise that's the wrong thing to say, because it involves Colin, and if it involves Colin, I'll have to introduce Colin, and I can't remember this man's name!

I start talking very quickly.