‘Oh, Anna.’ Nell pulled me close to her. I allowed myself to break apart once more. It had been so hard trying to hold myself together. ‘I had no idea you were trying again.’

This made me cry harder. I used to share everything with Nell but I had lied to her. ‘We never stopped trying.’ I couldn’t look at her. I knew I would see confusion and hurt, but it was the guilt that would be on her face because she’d had two children effortlessly while I had still been trying for one, that I couldn’t bear to witness.

‘You mean… I thought… Christ, Anna. All this time? Five years?’

‘Yes.’

She was stunned, her mouth hanging open while she rummaged for words. ‘But… but then you fell pregnant. Naturally?’

‘Yes. I’d only just told Adam. What will he think when he wakes up?’

‘He’ll feel much the same as I imagine you feel right now. Devastated.’

‘What if…’ My voice was hoarse. ‘What if it was my fault?’ I covered my face.

‘Anna.’ Nell lowered my hands. ‘What happened on the yacht wasn’t your fault.’

‘I’m not talking about that.’ I was so ashamed, I couldn’t look at her. ‘I drank alcohol, Nell. We shared a bottle of Malbec a few days before I found out I was pregnant and then I had a couple of glasses of Merlot in the pub.’

‘Oh, sweetie. That wouldn’t be the cause of this. Haven’t you talked to a doctor?’

‘She said…’ I sniffed. ‘That it’s unfortunate but these things happen.’

‘It’s so sad but they do. There often isn’t a reason.’

‘It’s not just the alcohol.’ I couldn’t decide whether to tell her. She waited. Her fingers linked through mine. ‘I… I kissed someone else, Nell. I thought I didn’t want Adam anymore.’

If she was shocked, she didn’t show it. ‘A kiss wouldn’t cause you to miscarry.’

‘But it feels like a punishment. The baby. The accident. The universe leaving me alone like I thought I wanted but… Nell, I wanted this baby so badly. I want Adam back. I love him so much.’

She let me cry it out until my chest was hot and my eyes so swollen I could barely see. Outside of the window, there was laughter and chatter. Two small children carrying a giant inflatable flamingo headed towards the beach.