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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

Number 62. St Mary’s something in Upper Harringdon.

Immediately I am opening the taxi app on my phone. Summoning a cab. Momentarily I think about slipping back inside the pub to tell Nell and Josh where I am going but they would only insist on coming with me. But whatever is waiting is the last new thing I will ever find out about my husband and I want to be alone. Besides, I can’t face an endless round of goodbye hugs, of sympathetic smiles and tear-filled eyes, not to mention the ‘if there’s anything you need’.

This.

Going to Upper Harringdon is what I need.

Chapter Seventy-Nine

Anna

During the journey to Upper Harringdon, I deliberate over what I might find waiting for me. A shop? But it’s a long way to come to buy something you could probably get online. A pub? A restaurant? Adam loved to eat. To try new places. Perhaps he was jotting down a recommendation. My mind veers from the mundane to the unimaginable. Adam had a secret girlfriend. A secret family. Children he’d never told me about. I dismiss this but the thought keeps creeping back in. What if I’m about to come face to face with his other woman? A part of me, a large part, thinks this notion is ridiculous. I knew Adam better than anyone and he would never cheat on me, but then I feel Ross’s lips on mine. I remember I contemplated leaving Adam more than once. There are things he never knew about me. Can we every really properly know what goes on in someone else’s head? What secrets they carry?

The last thought, as we pull into Upper Harringdon, is that I might find an empty building. Nothing at all. This would be the hardest to bear.

‘This is St Mary’s Street, but there’s a St Mary’s Road, do you want me—’

‘No.’ I shove too much money at the cab driver and stumble out of the car. I need to find out the truth and put an end to my black thoughts once and for all.

Speculation is dangerous. I need cold, hard facts.

Rain pours down the collar of my blouse. I run the length of the road. Lungs burning. Disappointment bitter in my mouth. The highest-numbered building is 48.

There is no 62 St Mary’s Street.