Chapters (100)
- Cover
- About the Author
- Note to Readers
- Dedication
- Prologue
- Part One
- Chapter One
- Chapter Two
- Chapter Three
- Chapter Four
- Chapter Five
- Chapter Six
- Chapter Seven
- Chapter Eight
- Chapter Nine
- Chapter Ten
- Chapter Eleven
- Chapter Twelve
- Chapter Thirteen
- Part Two
- Chapter Fourteen
- Chapter Fifteen
- Chapter Sixteen
- Chapter Seventeen
- Chapter Eighteen
- Chapter Nineteen
- Chapter Twenty
- Chapter Twenty-One
- Chapter Twenty-Two
- Chapter Twenty-Three
- Chapter Twenty-Four
- Chapter Twenty-Five
- Chapter Twenty-Six
- Part Three
- Chapter Twenty-Seven
- Chapter Twenty-Eight
- Chapter Twenty-Nine
- Chapter Thirty
- Chapter Thirty-One
- Chapter Thirty-Two
- Chapter Thirty-Three
- Chapter Thirty-Four
- Chapter Thirty-Five
- Chapter Thirty-Six
- Part Four
- Chapter Thirty-Seven
- Chapter Thirty-Eight
- Chapter Thirty-Nine
- Chapter Forty
- Chapter Forty-One
- Chapter Forty-Two
- Chapter Forty-Three
- Chapter Forty-Four
- Chapter Forty-Five
- Chapter Forty-Six
- Chapter Forty-Seven
- Chapter Forty-Eight
- Chapter Forty-Nine
- Chapter Fifty
- Chapter Fifty-One
- Chapter Fifty-Two
- Chapter Fifty-Three
- Chapter Fifty-Four
- Chapter Fifty-Five
- Chapter Fifty-Six
- Chapter Fifty-Seven
- Chapter Fifty-Eight
- Chapter Fifty-Nine
- Chapter Sixty
- Chapter Sixty-One
- Chapter Sixty-Two
- Chapter Sixty-Three
- Chapter Sixty-Four
- Chapter Sixty-Five
- Chapter Sixty-Six
- Chapter Sixty-Seven
- Chapter Sixty-Eight
- Chapter Sixty-Nine
- Chapter Seventy
- Chapter Seventy-One
- Chapter Seventy-Two
- Chapter Seventy-Three
- Chapter Seventy-Four
- Chapter Seventy-Five
- Chapter Seventy-Six
- Part Five
- Chapter Seventy-Seven
- Chapter Seventy-Eight
- Chapter Seventy-Nine
- Chapter Eighty
- Part Six
- Chapter Eighty-One
- Chapter Eighty-Two
- Chapter Eighty-Three
- Author’s Note
- Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
- Acknowledgements
- Extract
- Chapter One
- About the Publisher
I can just make out Adam as he raises his arms to the sky. He links his thumbs together, forming wings with his hands. He mimes flying free.
‘No!’ I collapse. Feel arms around my waist pulling me from the sea, but Adam is the one who needs to be dragged from this nightmare groundhog day. I already know how it ends.
‘Adam! Adam!’ I fight for freedom. Wade back into deeper water. Hating myself for not being able to swim to him. Not being able to save him.
He doesn’t want to be saved.
He is still watching me. His hands still miming what he wants.
He wants me to set him free.
‘Something wrong with the yacht!’ someone behind me shouts.
This is it.
I watch in horror as the yacht begins to sink.
This is it.
I throw myself forwards, not caring that I might drown trying to reach him. Not wanting to live without him. Hands are on me once more, but not the girl’s.
Oliver’s.
He has brought me back and over my own choking sobs I hear it. The continuous beep.
Adam is flatlining.
Chapter Seventy-Five
Adam
For the second time there’s a blow to my skull. The taste of blood in my mouth. Colours bright and dull. Light and dark. A kaleidoscope of pain.
Water, in my mouth and eyes.
Water, in my nose and ears.
My arms and legs flail. I’m sinking deeper and deeper. Dizzy. Disorientated. My lungs burn, chest feels tight.
The water turns from blue to grey to almost black. I’m spinning. Twisting in the sea. Everything feeling like it’s about to explode. My skull. My rib cage. Body burning.
Anna.
It is the thought of her that prevents me fighting for air. Stops my legs kicking their way to the surface.
I’m sinking. Heavy. A mass of pain and fear but not regret. Not this time.
If you love someone, set them free.
I’m heavy and weightless and here but not.
Anna.
Drifting. Drifting. My arms and legs are splayed.
A feeling of calm washes over me.
Anna begins to fade away.
And then I feel nothing at all.
Chapter Seventy-Six
Anna
We are yanked out of the scanner with force. Sofia pulls me from the table so Oliver can reach Adam. Blood is streaming down my face. My head is splitting, the continuous screech of the machine screaming what I already know.
Adam has gone.
Anxiety grips me tightly. I watch Oliver shake Adam by the shoulders. ‘Adam, Adam, can you hear me?’ But of course Adam doesn’t answer.
He can’t.