I’m exhausted with it all. I curve my body against his and rest my head on his shoulder. I can’t believe that I’m questioning us. Still unsure of who we are and who we’ll be when Adam wakes up. Who Adam will be. If I was questioning if I loved Adam before, how would I be if he were a stranger? If he couldn’t talk. If I had to wash him, feed him, dress him every single day. Would he even know who I am?

My thoughts should be full of love and hope and positivity, but they’re not. I feel lost and scared and confused.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I’ll find out what’s inside Adam’s head.

My last waking thought is that I hope it’s better than the doubts filling mine.

Chapter Forty-Two

Anna

My breakfast has been brought to me. The breeze is soothing as I sit at the table by the open window, pushing an egg with a sunshine-yellow yolk around my plate. It feels wrong to eat solid food while Adam is metres away being fed through a tube. I’m not hungry. Nerves are squirming in my stomach. Later this morning Oliver and Sofia will be here and the clinical trial will start. For the millionth time I question whether I’m doing the right thing, not just for Adam but for me. Yesterday I hadn’t thought beyond what might be in Adam’s mind but today I’m worried about me. Am I being selfish? How will Mum cope if something happens to me? The letter I left with Nell doesn’t seem enough. All of a sudden, I feel the urge to talk to Mum. I’d intended to ring her before Adam’s cardiac arrest but, distracted, I still haven’t called and told her about the accident.

‘I’ll be back soon.’ I kiss Adam and slip out of the door.

The beach is almost empty. It’s still early but the sun is already throwing out warmth. The sky is brilliant blue and cloudless; it’s going to be scorching later. I sit. The sand is damp beneath my cotton sundress. I kick off my flip-flops and cross my legs under me. It takes several deep breaths of the salty air before I can dial Mum’s number. I know she’ll be up, pottering around her kitchen, checking her wall planner to see what she’s filling her day with.

‘Hello, love. I didn’t expect to hear from you while you’re away.’

Her voice renders me mute. Overcome with the emotion of needing her.

‘Anna, what’s wrong?’

‘I don’t want you to worry but—’

‘Oh God, it’s terrorists, isn’t it? Are you somewhere safe?’

‘It isn’t terrorists—’

‘A tsunami. You need to be somewhere high—’