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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

What if he knows I’ve been questioning my love for him?

Five

I can’t breathe in the machine.

Four

My heart is racing too fast.

Three

I want to stop. I’ve changed my mind.

Two

I have to know.

One

Adam, I’m coming for you.

Chapter Forty-Three

Oliver

Oliver stares at the scanner through the window, his senses on high alert as he listens for signs that something is happening, watching to ensure Anna isn’t trying to climb out of the machine in panic, but she is still and silent.

‘Sofia?’ he asks quietly. He knows his assistant is studying the computer screen, while he stares through the window – he can’t tear his eyes away from the machine in the other room.

‘There’s nothing.’

‘Nothing as in it’s not recording or nothing as in the equipment isn’t doing what we thought?’

‘Either? Both? I can’t tell.’

‘What are you seeing?’

‘Darkness. Nothing but darkness. But we can’t expect it all to run smoothly the first time, can we? You know what Edison said: “I haven’t failed, I’ve just found ten thousand ways that didn’t work.” Let’s leave her for the thirty minutes and see if anything changes.’

But it doesn’t.

The computer screen remains black.

Chapter Forty-Four

Anna

My head is spinning. I’m dazed, disorientated. There’s a sense of having been picked up and dropped somewhere else entirely, and in a way I have. I am back at home in the UK. In bed. On the wall is the black and white framed photo of our wedding day. Adam’s forehead touching mine. My flower crown circling my head. On the bed next to me, my husband.

‘Adam.’ I burst into noisy tears.

‘Hey.’ He scoops me into his arms. At first I am stiff. Scared that if I move, Oliver will take it as a signal that I want to be brought back but I can feel my body is still, the movement only in my mind.

Adam’s mind.

The place where we’ve met in the middle.

I cling to him and he rhythmically strokes my back.

‘It’s okay,’ he says, but that only makes me cry harder. It isn’t okay. It isn’t okay at all. I try to calm myself. I’ve lost all concept of time, unsure how long I’ve been here. How long I have before I’m back in the Institute with my husband. My husband who can’t talk, laugh, move. Who can’t press me close to his body and whisper my name into my hair. I don’t want to waste a single second.