I didn’t know how to cope.

It crossed my mind that I could call Nell, but there was a part of me that wanted to believe this wasn’t happening. That saying it out loud would make it so. Besides, I hadn’t any facts to share, speculation was all I had at that point. I veered wildly between thinking that Adam was fine, sitting up in bed and joking, to convincing myself he hadn’t made it and no one wanted to be the one to tell me.

No news is good news.

It was a ridiculous saying – one that had never made sense to me – but it was all I had to cling on to. If I hadn’t been told Adam had died, he had to be alive.

Didn’t he?

The slam of a door roused me. Shock had beckoned sleep. I was slouched on my seat, my head resting uncomfortably against the wall. My neck was cricked, spittle crusting around my mouth.

It was a different nurse to the one who had carried out my tests. She crouched down and sandwiched my hand between hers.

‘Anna.’ She nodded as she spoke my name.

I held my breath, waiting for her to speak.

‘I can take you to see Adam now.’ Her English heavy with accent.

‘Is he… Is he…’

‘He’s comfortable.’

I was afraid to ask what that meant. Instead I let her help me to my feet, which tingled with pins and needles, wishing I could transfer the same numb feeling to my heart.

The hospital was a maze. We twisted and turned through winding corridors. Curious glances followed me; the visibly upset girl in the ill-fitting scrubs.

Comfortable.

That’s what they had said about my dad after he had had his heart attack and then they had sent Mum home to rest. He had died four hours later, alone.

The nurse slowed, stopped outside of a door.

‘This is our intensive care unit. Anna, don’t be frightened when you see him.’

If I had been scared before, now I was terrified.

She gestured for me to go in first. Tentatively I stepped inside. Greeted with the sight of Adam, I stumbled backwards, treading on her toes.

‘It’s okay.’ She rubbed my arm. My hands were clasped over my mouth.

But it wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay at all.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Anna

There he was – Adam – unrecognizable and yet familiar. Under a startling amount of wires and tubes he was still. Silent.

‘I know it looks scary, but everything in here is for Adam’s good.’ The nurse kept one hand on my arm. ‘That’s the ventilator.’ She pointed to a machine. ‘It’s keeping oxygen circulating through Adam’s bloodstream.’

‘It’s breathing for him? Can’t… can’t he…’

‘The doctor will talk to you as soon as he can. That’s the vital signs monitor.’