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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

Oliver opens his arms and Anna steps into them. This is goodbye.

Chapter Sixty-Two

Anna

‘We’re going home tomorrow,’ I tell Adam.

I’m trying to stay positive. Oliver’s right. I’ve a support network waiting for me at home: Nan, Mum, Nell, Josh. Together, we’ll all keep the faith that one day Adam might recover.

Two years.

Twelve years.

Twenty years.

Without the help of Oliver, I worry how long I’ll be able to keep alive the vibrant Adam who lives clearly in my mind. But I vow I will. I can’t ever let him become a memory, vague and fading.

‘So…’ Usually I fill the silence with chatter, recollections of times past or plans for the future but now I cannot think of a single thing to say. I feel lost. As though I’ve forgotten who I am and why I’m here. As though I have failed my husband, failed us both. The thought of our little family slipping away, of never holding Harry in my arms, is heartbreaking.

Outside it is gloomy. For the first time since we arrived on the island, the sun isn’t beaming down. Clouds slip across the sky like ghosts.

Intermittently I doze.

Each time I wake, I remember we are leaving soon and I feel desolate once more. A ripple of a memory stirs, just outside my grasp. There’s something important, something that will change everything. I try and force it to the forefront of my mind but my recollection is slow and muddied.

I lay my head on Adam’s chest and whisper, I need you.

Chapter Sixty-Three

Adam

Anna’s head is on my chest. It’s impossible to gauge whether she has her eyes open or closed. I need to move. Speak. Do something.

Trying to raise my finger is like trying to lift a two-tonne weight. Mentally draining and physically impossible. My eyelids are equally heavy and my frustration builds; even babies can blink.

Anna.

I am incredulous that she can’t hear me calling her name. That she can’t see the shape of it leave my lips.

Chapter Sixty-Four

Anna

‘Anna.’ Adam’s voice is warm and soft.

‘You’re awake?’ A sunburst of happiness. I touch his face. His lips. Feel his mouth crinkle into a smile.

‘Yeah. Sorry. Have I been asleep long?’

‘Too long.’

‘What have I missed?’

Everything.

Nothing.

Me.

‘Happy anniversary, husband.’

‘Happy anniversary, wife.’

I have to fetch Oliver. Ring the buzzer and summon Luis, but I can’t let go of Adam. I won’t let go of Adam.

He holds me close. ‘Anna.’ His voice a whisper in the breeze.

I jolt awake.