I’m not sorry.

I shouldn’t have kissed you.

I had to kiss you.

I want you.

I think I’m falling in love with you.

Do you want me?

It was the last one that threw me into a tailspin. Did I want him? Or was it that I didn’t want this – my eyes flickered to Adam. He was fixated on the screen.

My mind strayed to Ross. His hands. His laugh. His lips. He wasn’t my boy from the bar. He would be different.

But it might be better.

In the kitchen, while I waited for the kettle to boil, I splashed cold water onto my face, which was burning with the shame of my illicit kiss. The fact that I had wanted it. The fact that I had enjoyed it, entwining my fingers in his hair as I returned his kiss.

Back in the lounge, Adam held out my phone. ‘You got a text.’

I snatched it from him, studying his face for signs he had read it, shoving my handset into my pocket like a dirty secret I was trying to hide.

Do you want me? Ross had asked.

Later, in bed, I was still examining the questions from all angles when Adam reached across to me. My entire body immediately tensed.

He pressed his lips against mine but all I felt was Ross’s lips. His hands caressed my back but all I felt were Ross’s hands.

‘I’m not in the mood, sorry.’ I gently pushed Adam away. He muttered under his breath. I couldn’t make out his words but I probably deserved them. The truth was I didn’t want Adam unless I knew I was ovulating and even then it lacked any passion. Sex now a task to be checked off from a never-ending list of mundane things to do.

Empty the dishwasher – tick.

Try to make a baby – tick.

Was it wrong to yearn for something exciting?

Someone who excited me?

I thought about everything until Adam fell asleep and then I reached for my mobile.

Do you want me? Ross had asked.

I gave him my answer.

Chapter Nineteen

Adam

Dawn was pushing the darkness aside when my phone vibrated under my pillow. I hadn’t risked the alarm, not wanting to wake Anna. Not wanting her to know. Not yet. I watched her sleep, her face unguarded.

My certainty of the previous night dipped and swelled. I was changing my mind about four million times a minute.

Could I do it?

Should I?

Anna and I had been so unhappy for so long, in some ways it seemed like the right thing to do but… I wasn’t sure. It was early but her mobile lit up with a text. I looked at the screen and then I knew for sure.