Chapter Eighty-Two

Our leaving party is at The Star; it seems only fitting. Rather than wearing black clothes and reminiscing about the past, today the guests are wearing bright fabrics and looking towards the future.

Everyone is here, Mum, Nan. Josh’s parents have driven down. Oliver, if it weren’t for him, Harry wouldn’t be here, and Nancy, who allowed him to be mine once more. Nell’s Chris has brought their children and the pub is filled with happy chatter.

‘Shall I bring the food out?’ the landlady asks and my stomach growls in response. I’d been so busy packing up the house that I missed lunch and now I’m ravenous.

‘Please.’

Trays are carried out of the kitchen, laden with some of Adam’s favourite foods and some of mine.

Harry sits on my mum’s lap, a plate of Marmite soldiers on the table in front of him. He picks up a piece of bread and squishes it into his fist before aiming it at his mouth.

‘Marmite!’ I say to my son, opening my eyes wide and slapping my hands either side of my cheeks.

He giggles, white teeth and gummy gaps – Adam would be so proud – before smearing his buttery fingers all over Mum’s skirt, but she doesn’t seem to mind.

‘You know,’ Mum says for the umpteenth time, ‘even though you adopted Harry, he looks so much like Adam. It’s astonishing.’

She’ll never know just how astonishing it all is.

‘I’m so glad you brought him into our lives, Anna.’ She kisses the top of Harry’s head. ‘Being a grandmother is just as wonderful as I’d always hoped.’

I flit between the people I love. The people who love me.

Chris is telling Josh about a friend of his who has recently broken up with her boyfriend. ‘You’ve got loads in common. I could set you up?’ he asks.

‘Is she hot?’ Josh asks when what he’s really asking is, ‘Is she anything like your wife?’

‘Yeah. She looks a bit like Nell, actually.’

Josh smiles. ‘Yeah, cheers. Why not.’

‘Now, are you sure you’re okay for money?’ my nan asks.

‘I’m absolutely sure,’ I reassure her. Last week she’d tried to give me five hundred pounds again. ‘Adam’s life insurance is more than enough for us to live on for now.’

‘We’ll miss you so much, your mum and I. And your dad.’ Her eyes fill with tears as she speaks of her son. ‘If he were still here, your dad would be…’

‘I know.’ I hand her a tissue. ‘I’ll be back before you know it, and until then we’ll FaceTime.’ Nan has bought an iPad especially. ‘Excuse me for a minute.’

In the corner, Oliver nurses a lemonade, awkward and alone.

‘Thanks for coming,’ I say. ‘I know social engagements aren’t your thing.’

‘I wouldn’t have missed it.’