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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

A cry that tears at my heart.

A cry I recognize.

Choking back a sob, I spin around. Push past Nancy, heading for the stairs.

‘Anna! You can’t go…’

But I am halfway up the flight, my feet barely touching the ground.

The cries grow louder. Nancy’s footsteps thundering behind me.

‘Anna! Wait!’

But I don’t. I can’t. I run full pelt towards the door at the end of the landing and throw it wide open.

There are so many things I feel as I approach the cot. Fear. Excitement. Disbelief. Relief. Confusion. Pain. But everything I feel is overridden by a crushing anxiety that I might be wrong, but my heart tells me I am right.

It’s Harry.

His face flushed red. Curls damp against his scalp.

It’s Harry.

Small hands scrunched into fists.

It’s Harry.

On his arm, the birthmark shaped like a map that matches Adam’s.

‘You shouldn’t be in here,’ Nancy says, but her voice is soft.

‘It’s… it’s you. It really is you,’ I whisper.

At the sound of my voice the baby stops crying and studies me with deep blue eyes. Adam’s eyes. Gently, I scoop him up and hold him against my chest. The familiar weight of him. The smell of him.

‘Poor little mite has barely stopped crying since he was left on the steps outside ten days ago.’

But she doesn’t have to tell me he was left the day Adam died. She doesn’t have to tell me because I know.

However impossible, this is my child.

This is Harry.

Part Six

‘Love will find a way.’

EDITH CURTIS – ADAM’S NAN

Chapter Eighty-One

Anna

Twelve months later

It took almost nine months for me to adopt Harry. The wait was torturous. During that time, I lived in constant fear that someone else would swoop in and take my boy away. I hadn’t been on the waiting list to adopt, of course, but thankfully Nancy had recognized the bond between us and rather than placing Harry with foster carers, which would have broken my heart, she continued to care for him while she championed my application from beginning to end. It was her expertise, her patience, that allowed me to untangle the red tape and bring Harry back to where he belonged.

Home.

‘I don’t know what it is about you two,’ she had said, watching me during one of my frequent visits. ‘He cries almost constantly when you’re not here.’ On cue Harry released one of his infectious giggles while I blew raspberries on his tummy. ‘And yet with you he’s happy. Content. It’s like you were meant to be.’