‘Yes.’ I rummaged in my purse for money, hesitating as my fingers brushed Grandad’s coin. I couldn’t remember the last time Adam had given it to me and I wished I could give it to him now, so that he would know that I was thinking of him. Worrying about him.

About us.

Abashed, I scooped the bag from the counter containing my purchases and my shame. I carried my failings out of the shop, wearing my inadequacies like a coat. Over the years I must have spent over £500 on tests. There were so many things that we could have done with the money. Our bank account was on my mind again when I spotted Adam. He was coming out of the letting agents, and smiling. He was smiling, looking happier than I had seen him look in months. He had a rucksack slung over his shoulder. What was in there? Clothes? Regret stirred in my belly each time I recalled my harsh words.

You should leave. That would make me happy.

Panicked thoughts swarmed. He had taken the money from our savings and rented a house.

The boy from the bar had left me.

I opened my mouth to call him but my throat had swelled with emotion and I couldn’t speak.

Isn’t this what I wanted, deep down?

If you love someone, set them free.

It was another couple of hours before Adam arrived home and by this time I’d convinced myself he wouldn’t be back. I had stuffed the empty box of the pregnancy-testing kit at the bottom of the bin, the way I sometimes hid pink wafer biscuit wrappers, like a shameful secret. I had been rehearsing a speech endlessly in my head, telling myself I would be calm and controlled. This moment could make or break our gossamer-fragile relationship.

‘Can we talk?’ I blurted out as soon as he walked through the front door.

‘Me first.’ He looked so serious.

Don’t say it.

He pulled at the collar of his polo shirt and I knew he was nervous.

Don’t say it.

‘I’ve got something to tell you. I think it’ll be a shock. But…’ His fingers worried at a stray thread. He snapped it off. My eyes filled with tears – will our marriage break just as easily as cotton?

Don’t say it.

Chapter Twenty-One

Adam

‘I’ve spoken to Ross today,’ I said again. ‘Your head teacher?’ I added. Anna knew who he was, so why wasn’t she saying anything? Her face paled and she swayed slightly. I cradled her elbow and led her through to the lounge. I couldn’t believe I had dropped the bombshell on her while standing in the hallway. Sometimes I was such a twat.

‘Why? What did he say?’ Her voice was barely audible.

‘He said it’s fine for you to take some time off.’

‘And I need time off because…?’