‘Sorry. Lack of success conceiving over the past eighteen months might be due to endometriosis and the results confirm that it is. Do you both understand what endometriosis is?’ He paused.

‘Yes,’ said Anna at the same time I said ‘kind of’.

‘It’s when the lining of the uterus – the endometrium – grows elsewhere, such as in the fallopian tubes or ovaries. The lining breaks down but, unlike the cells in the womb that leave the body as a period, it has nowhere to go.’

‘And this has prevented Anna falling pregnant?’

‘Not necessarily, but it could well have contributed towards her fail… lack of pregnancy. Sometimes with endometriosis there is a build-up of adhesions that can trap the egg and prevent it from moving down the fallopian tube.’

I glanced at Anna. Her face was as white as chalk. I could see that if she spoke, she would cry.

‘So is there anything we can do?’ I asked.

‘Surgery to remove the adhesions would certainly increase the chance of conception. There are no guarantees, of course. Anna has age on her side and may well conceive naturally.’

‘We…’ Anna took a deep breath. ‘We want the surgery.’

‘The surgery can cause further problems: infections, bleeding, damage to affected organs.’

‘We want the surgery,’ Anna repeated.

At home, I tucked Anna under a blanket on the sofa and made her a hot chocolate. It sat untouched on the coffee table, melting cream streaking down the mug onto the glass.

I lifted the blanket and slipped under it.

‘Anna—’

‘Don’t,’ she said quietly. ‘Just don’t.’

‘This isn’t your fault, you know.’ I felt helpless knowing how wretched she must feel inside. If it were the other way round, I know that rightly or wrongly, I would feel to blame.

‘I can’t talk about it. Not yet. Please don’t make me.’

At a loss to know what else to do, I reached into my pocket and pulled out her grandad’s coin. She took it gratefully, curling her hand around it.

I had thought, at that time, we would be okay. It was comforting to think that we had a good support network around us, but I didn’t know then that our network would crumble.

I didn’t know then what was to come the following day.

Chapter Fifteen

Anna

It was a sleepless night. In bed, I placed my hands over my lower abdomen and imagined the adhesions forming under my skin. The adhesions that were preventing me from falling pregnant. Next to me, Adam slept and I hated him for not being awake. Didn’t he care? I glared at him through the gloom until my eyes filled with tears.

Of course he cared.

I knew that undoubtedly. He would never blame me, and yet I felt I was to blame. My stupid, faulty body was to blame.