I propped myself up on pillows as the nurse slid a tray on wheels across my bed. The plate placed in front of me was stacked with mozzarella, lettuce, thick slices of juicy tomatoes, all sprinkled with basil.

‘Thanks. And when I’ve eaten this, I can go?’

‘Yes. I’ll fetch some painkillers you can take when you leave, and some more sanitary pads for you.’

‘I don’t have any clothes.’ My words came out a choke.

‘I’ll find you something.’ She patted my hand before she left.

I felt sick from the medication, sick from exhaustion, sick from everything that had happened, but I cut off a small piece of mozzarella and chewed and chewed until there was virtually nothing left to slide down my throat. I repeated until my plate was empty. When I’d finished I swung my legs out of bed, and unsteadily made my way to the bathroom, touching the wall with my fingertips to keep my balance. There, I dropped to my knees and vomited up everything I had eaten, bile stinging my throat. Afterwards, I went back to my bed and pretended I was fine and before long, they let me leave.

Rather than rushing straight into the intensive care unit, I found myself standing in the corridor outside, drawing lungfuls of air to steady my wobbly legs.

Please.

Deep breath in. Deep breath out.

Please let him have woken up.

I placed my palm on the door and forced my mouth into something resembling a smile so he did not see how worried I had been.

‘The ventilator has gone.’ Adam was breathing on his own. I grinned at the nurse but her sombre expression pushed the smile from my face.

‘Mrs Curtis—’

‘Call me Anna, please. Is he…’

Still Adam?

‘I’ll go and fetch Dr Acevedo. He wants to talk to you.’

The second she had gone I sank into her still-warm chair.

‘Adam…’ I faltered. Unsure what to say. Could he hear me? I didn’t want to tell him I had lost the baby, not like this but…

I was still deliberating when the door opened.

‘Dr Acevedo.’ I rose to my feet. My stomach twisting itself into knots.

‘Please. Sit.’ He gestured to the chair and I knew that whatever he was about to tell me wasn’t the good news I was longing for.

The knot in my stomach pulled itself tighter.

‘We’ve withdrawn sedation from Adam and as you can see, he hasn’t woken up. That’s not to say that he won’t, but he’s currently in a coma.’

‘But he’s breathing on his own now? That must…’

‘I’m sorry it isn’t better news.’

We both looked at Adam. None of this made sense to me. My pulse was galloping. I felt like I might fall.