The pub was quiet. I couldn’t help glancing around while Ross ordered at the bar, afraid I might see somebody I know. Guilt pulsed that I was doing something wrong, although strictly speaking I wasn’t. But over our lunches we had stopped talking about work and begun to talk about ourselves; we weren’t just colleagues now but something else. Friends? I was kidding myself. It was a slippery slope I was skidding down.

‘What shall we drink to?’ Ross poured from a bottle of Merlot.

‘Surviving another day?’ I raised my glass.

Ross laughed. ‘Yes, you know what they say about teaching?’

‘What?’

‘It would be a perfect job if it weren’t for the bloody kids.’

I scanned the menu, playing it cool. ‘Do you want them? Kids?’ I knew he didn’t have any.

‘God, no. I don’t. I think we see the best of them – the ambition, the curiosity – but we also see the worst too. I feel privileged to help shape futures but when I go home, I want to switch off. Is that horribly selfish?’

It was horribly alluring but I didn’t tell him that. Imagine being with somebody who didn’t want a child. I wouldn’t have to feel guilty then. I drained my glass and held it out for a refill. ‘We’re all entitled to be a little selfish sometimes, aren’t we? Not everyone wants a family.’

‘How about you, Anna?’ He paused until I met his gaze. ‘What do you want?’

It was a loaded question.

‘I… I don’t know.’

‘Are you coming to the conference in Derbyshire next week?’

‘I haven’t spoken to Adam about it yet.’

‘You don’t need his permission, do you? It’s an education seminar. Work, Anna.’ But we both knew it was more than that. There was an undeniable attraction between us. An attraction that meant two nights away in a country hotel was a terrible idea. The conference was for head teachers, deputies. Not for staff at my level. He wanted me there because he wanted me and, if I’m honest, I wanted him but…

‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea.’ I had told myself it was a line I wouldn’t cross but since he had asked me two weeks ago, I had shopped for new clothes. New underwear. Revelling in the what-might-be.

‘It could be good for you. Us.’ Ross placed his hand on mine. It was too heavy. Too hot. Too everything that wasn’t Adam, but I didn’t move it. Knowing that even if I did, I would still feel it there.

‘Anna,’ he whispered. ‘Anna. Why are you so unhappy?’