I twist the diamond ring around on my finger. Where it once felt like a sign of love, it now felt uncomfortable. I’d have been happy with a plain ring, a Haribo even. Why had he done that?

‘“What did you do that for you tw– you idiot?” I asked him. “Because,” Adam had told me, “once I had asked Grandad the story of how he’d met my grandma. He’d been docked at Southampton and the second their eyes met they knew they were right for each other. Knowing Grandad had to leave in a few days, they tried to pass it off as a holiday romance, the same as me and Anna. When it was time to say goodbye, Grandad had tried to picture the future without Grandma but he couldn’t. He knew she felt the same after she’d given him the watch because on the back she’d had engraved Love will find a way.” Adam’s grandad had told him, “We both knew that somehow it would all work out and it did. You’ll know too when you’ve found the love of your life because the thought of not seeing her every single day will break your heart. When you find that, you don’t let her go. You do anything, give anything, to keep her.” Adam had said that was the way he felt the instant he met Anna. The thought of life without her was impossible. He knew that his grandad would approve. Selling his watch to pay for Anna’s engagement ring made Adam feel that Ted was part of their new life. Involved. That thought made him very happy.’

The sparkle from my ring is blurred by the tears that film my eyes.

‘And that was Adam,’ Josh says. ‘Thoughtful. Generous. Loyal. Open and… certain. He was certain that what he’d found with Anna would last the distance and I know his only regret would be that it didn’t last for longer.’

I am crying now. Josh steps down and I stand, opening my arms and we hold each other while ‘Love me Tender’ begins to play, the music barely audible over the sound of raw grief. Many of the mourners had watched Adam and I take our first dance to this song.

The pallbearers balance the coffin on their shoulders as though it weighs nothing and for one, perfect second I believe that Adam is not inside the heavy wooden box after all, wearing his cotton anniversary shirt and his paper-plane cufflinks. That all of this has been a mistake.

It hasn’t.

Outside, I blink in the brightness. It still isn’t raining and I hate that the sky isn’t crying for Adam the way that I am crying for him.

‘You’re doing amazingly well.’ Nell hooks her arm through mine, as Josh does the same to my left.