‘When Adam and Anna married, I was scared about giving a speech,’ Josh begins quietly. ‘Today, I feel much the same but this time it isn’t because the thought of public speaking terrifies me but because the thought of a world without Adam terrifies me.’ He pauses. I can hear someone sitting behind me sniffing but I’m holding myself together. Just. Because I know if I allow my sobs to break free, I will never stop crying. Around my neck is the pendant Adam bought me for our first Christmas. I pinch the star between my fingers until the sharp edges penetrate my soft skin, which allows me to feel something other than the solid ball of grief that is expanding in my chest.

Josh carries on, ‘I’ve thought long and hard about how Adam would want to be remembered. A husband. A friend. Almost a brother to me. A son to his parents who sadly couldn’t be here today, and a second son to mine.’ At this I hear an anguished moan from Josh’s mum. ‘He was many different things to many different people, but I think this one story sums him up.’

There’s a beat. Josh tightens his grip on the lectern. I have no idea what’s coming. He had asked me if I wanted to hear what he was going to say but I couldn’t bear the thought of sitting through it twice. Once is almost destroying me.

‘Adam adored his grandad, Ted. It was because of him that Adam wanted to travel the world. See all the places Ted had visited during his time with the navy. Before he died, Ted gave Adam his watch. Adam treasured it. It was an antique, valuable, but he didn’t care about the monetary value, just the sentimental value. Adam wore it every day. He didn’t have time to take it off all those years ago when he had rushed into the sea to save Anna. The watch wasn’t waterproof. It stopped working that day.’

I remembered it so clearly I could almost taste the sea water in my mouth, my throat. Coughing as we sat on the beach, thoughts clouding my mind of what might have been if Adam hadn’t saved me. Adam asking me questions about my relationship I didn’t want to answer and me changing the subject by running my fingers over the face of his watch. ‘I hope that’s waterproof?’ I had diverted the conversation away from me. ‘It looks old?’

‘It will be okay,’ he had said.

‘When we got home,’ Josh continues, ‘I had it repaired for him and again he wore it every day until, some months later, I noticed he didn’t. “Where’s your watch?” I asked him. “I’ve sold it,” he said. He’d sold it to buy Anna’s engagement ring.’