Chapters (100)
- Cover
- About the Author
- Note to Readers
- Dedication
- Prologue
- Part One
- Chapter One
- Chapter Two
- Chapter Three
- Chapter Four
- Chapter Five
- Chapter Six
- Chapter Seven
- Chapter Eight
- Chapter Nine
- Chapter Ten
- Chapter Eleven
- Chapter Twelve
- Chapter Thirteen
- Part Two
- Chapter Fourteen
- Chapter Fifteen
- Chapter Sixteen
- Chapter Seventeen
- Chapter Eighteen
- Chapter Nineteen
- Chapter Twenty
- Chapter Twenty-One
- Chapter Twenty-Two
- Chapter Twenty-Three
- Chapter Twenty-Four
- Chapter Twenty-Five
- Chapter Twenty-Six
- Part Three
- Chapter Twenty-Seven
- Chapter Twenty-Eight
- Chapter Twenty-Nine
- Chapter Thirty
- Chapter Thirty-One
- Chapter Thirty-Two
- Chapter Thirty-Three
- Chapter Thirty-Four
- Chapter Thirty-Five
- Chapter Thirty-Six
- Part Four
- Chapter Thirty-Seven
- Chapter Thirty-Eight
- Chapter Thirty-Nine
- Chapter Forty
- Chapter Forty-One
- Chapter Forty-Two
- Chapter Forty-Three
- Chapter Forty-Four
- Chapter Forty-Five
- Chapter Forty-Six
- Chapter Forty-Seven
- Chapter Forty-Eight
- Chapter Forty-Nine
- Chapter Fifty
- Chapter Fifty-One
- Chapter Fifty-Two
- Chapter Fifty-Three
- Chapter Fifty-Four
- Chapter Fifty-Five
- Chapter Fifty-Six
- Chapter Fifty-Seven
- Chapter Fifty-Eight
- Chapter Fifty-Nine
- Chapter Sixty
- Chapter Sixty-One
- Chapter Sixty-Two
- Chapter Sixty-Three
- Chapter Sixty-Four
- Chapter Sixty-Five
- Chapter Sixty-Six
- Chapter Sixty-Seven
- Chapter Sixty-Eight
- Chapter Sixty-Nine
- Chapter Seventy
- Chapter Seventy-One
- Chapter Seventy-Two
- Chapter Seventy-Three
- Chapter Seventy-Four
- Chapter Seventy-Five
- Chapter Seventy-Six
- Part Five
- Chapter Seventy-Seven
- Chapter Seventy-Eight
- Chapter Seventy-Nine
- Chapter Eighty
- Part Six
- Chapter Eighty-One
- Chapter Eighty-Two
- Chapter Eighty-Three
- Author’s Note
- Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
- Acknowledgements
- Extract
- Chapter One
- About the Publisher
‘Do you wish you hadn’t developed the technology?’ Anna still can’t look at him.
‘I don’t know.’ Oliver doesn’t know how he feels. What he should have done. What he should do now, moving forward.
‘Today…’ Anna slowly exhales. ‘Today, I had a baby.’ She turns to Oliver with tears in her eyes. ‘I might never fall pregnant again. I might never again experience how it feels to give birth. I might never feel that immense… intense love that was instant the second my child came into the world. I felt that today because of you. Thanks to you.’
‘No wonder you were so distressed when I brought you back.’
‘The midwife was just about to tell me whether it was a girl or a boy. Oliver, will I ever find out?’
‘I just don’t know.’ He expects her to push for a proper answer but instead she says, ‘I’m going to see Adam.’
Oliver watches her leave. There’s a stoop to her posture. A weariness. He stays on the bench. After a while Eva joins him.
‘In twenty-five years as a clinical psychologist I’ve assessed, diagnosed and treated so many emotional, behavioural and mental disorders. I’ve enabled patients to deal with chronic conditions. To cope under extreme pressure. This… this is something else entirely. I don’t feel equipped for it, Oliver.’
‘Me neither.’ It is the sad truth.
‘I’m afraid Anna will break if we carry on. I’m afraid Anna will break if we stop.’
‘Me too.’ What are they going to do? ‘She gave birth to a baby today—’
‘She thinks she gave birth to a baby. Oliver, I can’t be involved with this anymore. I’m sorry.’
They were all sorry.
‘Could you possibly do one last thing for me?’ he asks. ‘Could you take Anna for her post-trial evaluation and keep her with you for an hour? I’m going to try the equipment for myself.’
‘Has she given her permission?’
‘No.’
‘Is that ethical?’
‘Is any of this? At least… at least we would know one way or the other if any of this has been real.’
Eva stands. ‘An hour. No more.’
Sofia expresses her disapproval. ‘This isn’t right without Anna’s consent.’
‘I’m not proud of what I’m about to do.’ Oliver isn’t proud of any of it. His life’s work. His biggest dream. Every time he measures his previous expectations with the reality, it leaves a sour coating in his mouth. He hasn’t changed the world, and he knows if he doesn’t let Anna connect to Adam again he will have made her world unbearable. Science should enhance, progress, improve. He forgot it also had the power to destroy. He has to know if the equipment works. If he can utilize it in a different way. Without hurting people. Without hurting Anna.