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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

‘Do you wish you hadn’t developed the technology?’ Anna still can’t look at him.

‘I don’t know.’ Oliver doesn’t know how he feels. What he should have done. What he should do now, moving forward.

‘Today…’ Anna slowly exhales. ‘Today, I had a baby.’ She turns to Oliver with tears in her eyes. ‘I might never fall pregnant again. I might never again experience how it feels to give birth. I might never feel that immense… intense love that was instant the second my child came into the world. I felt that today because of you. Thanks to you.’

‘No wonder you were so distressed when I brought you back.’

‘The midwife was just about to tell me whether it was a girl or a boy. Oliver, will I ever find out?’

‘I just don’t know.’ He expects her to push for a proper answer but instead she says, ‘I’m going to see Adam.’

Oliver watches her leave. There’s a stoop to her posture. A weariness. He stays on the bench. After a while Eva joins him.

‘In twenty-five years as a clinical psychologist I’ve assessed, diagnosed and treated so many emotional, behavioural and mental disorders. I’ve enabled patients to deal with chronic conditions. To cope under extreme pressure. This… this is something else entirely. I don’t feel equipped for it, Oliver.’

‘Me neither.’ It is the sad truth.

‘I’m afraid Anna will break if we carry on. I’m afraid Anna will break if we stop.’

‘Me too.’ What are they going to do? ‘She gave birth to a baby today—’

‘She thinks she gave birth to a baby. Oliver, I can’t be involved with this anymore. I’m sorry.’

They were all sorry.

‘Could you possibly do one last thing for me?’ he asks. ‘Could you take Anna for her post-trial evaluation and keep her with you for an hour? I’m going to try the equipment for myself.’

‘Has she given her permission?’

‘No.’

‘Is that ethical?’

‘Is any of this? At least… at least we would know one way or the other if any of this has been real.’

Eva stands. ‘An hour. No more.’

Sofia expresses her disapproval. ‘This isn’t right without Anna’s consent.’

‘I’m not proud of what I’m about to do.’ Oliver isn’t proud of any of it. His life’s work. His biggest dream. Every time he measures his previous expectations with the reality, it leaves a sour coating in his mouth. He hasn’t changed the world, and he knows if he doesn’t let Anna connect to Adam again he will have made her world unbearable. Science should enhance, progress, improve. He forgot it also had the power to destroy. He has to know if the equipment works. If he can utilize it in a different way. Without hurting people. Without hurting Anna.