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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

‘No!’ Anna shouts as Sofia tries to help her off the patient table. She wrestles to snatch the goggles back, her nose streaming with blood. ‘I have to know. Send me back. Send me back right now!’

‘Anna.’ Oliver hurries forward. Sofia steps back, rubbing her wrist while Anna glares at Oliver with pure hatred.

‘I understand that—’ he begins.

‘You don’t understand anything. I was just about to find out. One more second. Why couldn’t you have waited? One. More. Second.’

Oliver passes her a tissue. She presses it against her nostrils. Instantly, it turns crimson.

‘Anna, let’s go and talk.’

She shakes her head and winces at the movement.

‘Please come with me.’ He offers his hand to help her down. She brushes it away and Oliver is ashamed as he watches her struggle from the table, her face pinched with pain. He had lost sight of the unquestionable truth that love is something science can’t predict. Can’t control. How could he have been so stupid as to think this would be a nice experience for Anna, visiting Adam the way you would visit a friend? Happy to see them, okay to leave them. He thinks he has, perhaps, made a dreadful mistake.

‘Let’s get some air,’ he tells her.

They sit on a bench outside the Institute, facing the sea, watching the gulls soar and swoop. Listening to their call.

‘Seagulls mate for life,’ Oliver says. ‘They return to the same nesting space year after year. Every species wants to make a connection. To find their home.’

‘Adam’s my home.’ Anna raises a bottle of water to her lips and drinks.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Oliver says, taking her hand. She holds it. For a time they both stare into the distance. Oliver knows that Anna isn’t taking in the towering cliffs, the sunflower sun hanging high in the sky – all there is for her is Adam. He clears his throat. ‘There’s a percentage of the population who oppose scientific development, whether for religious or moral reasons. Those who believe that humans shouldn’t interfere with the natural order of things. It has always seemed so black and white to me. If there’s a disease we can find a cure for, why not create the necessary treatment? If a person needs blood, where’s the harm in transfusing someone else’s blood? I think… I think what’s right and wrong is subjective. I believed it was a good thing, creating the means so that those who couldn’t communicate, whether it be because of locked-in syndrome or a coma or something else entirely, would be able to share their thoughts and feelings. Express what they need. To take comfort in, to bring reassurance to their loved ones that they still… exist. It can be the cruellest thing when the body of someone you love is in front of you but their mind… their mind…’