Chapters (174)
- Content Warning
- A Note to Readers on my Choice of Language
- Dedication
- Prologue
- SJ
- 1. Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Jemma
- 2. Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- SJ
- 3. Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Jemma
- 4. Dinner and a Devilish Show
- Dinner and a Devilish Show
- SJ
- 5. Messages from FriendPay
- Messages from FriendPay
- Jemma
- 6. First Date with a New Soul
- First Date with a New Soul
- SJ
- 7. Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Jemma
- 8. No Pressure …
- No Pressure …
- SJ
- 9. Mount Those Horns of His
- Mount Those Horns of His
- Jemma
- 10. A Soft Spot for Mice
- A Soft Spot for Mice
- SJ
- 11. Date Faking
- Date Faking
- Jemma
- 12. Spicy Girl Dreams
- Spicy Girl Dreams
- SJ
- 13. Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Jemma
- 14. Ratty-Man
- Ratty-Man
- SJ
- 15. Sordid Bathroom Romps
- Sordid Bathroom Romps
- SJ
- 16. An Outright Lie
- An Outright Lie
- Jemma
- 17. Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- SJ
- 18. Ferretcon
- Ferretcon
- Jemma
- 19. Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Jemma
- 20. It’s a Date, Big Boy
- It’s a Date, Big Boy
- SJ
- 21. The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- Jemma
- 22. Distracted by Other Parts
- Distracted by Other Parts
- SJ
- 23. My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- Jemma
- 24. A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- SJ
- 25. Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Jemma
- 26. That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- SJ
- 27. Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- SJ
- 28. Pesky Feelings
- Pesky Feelings
- Jemma
- 29. A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- SJ
- 30. Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Jemma
- 31. Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Jemma
- 32. Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- SJ
- 33. Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Jemma
- 34. Dare You
- Dare You
- SJ
- 35. Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Jemma
- 36. Mystical Semen
- Mystical Semen
- SJ
- 37. A Goner for the Son of Satan
- A Goner for the Son of Satan
- Jemma
- 38. An Unnecessary Attachment
- An Unnecessary Attachment
- SJ
- 39. A Leaf Out of Her Book
- A Leaf Out of Her Book
- SJ
- 40. Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Jemma
- 41. Devils Don’t Cry
- Devils Don’t Cry
- SJ
- 42. He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- Jemma
- 43. Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- SJ
- 44. It’s a Grand Gesture
- It’s a Grand Gesture
- Jemma
- 45. Permanently in Purgatory
- Permanently in Purgatory
- SJ
- 46. Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Jemma
- 47. The B Team Strikes Again
- The B Team Strikes Again
- SJ
- 48. Not My Nightmare
- Not My Nightmare
- Jemma
- 49. Hold On, Mouse
- Hold On, Mouse
- SJ
- 50. My Heroic Devil
- My Heroic Devil
- Jemma
- 51. Not a Religious Celebrity
- Not a Religious Celebrity
- SJ
- 52. The Devil I Know
- The Devil I Know
- SJ
- 53. Let Them See
- Let Them See
- Jemma
- 54. I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- SJ
- Epilogue: Not Quite One Year Later
- Jemma
- And … Another Epilogue
- SJ
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Layla Pine
- About Layla
“Don’t you bite me, or I’ll only buy those treats you loathe for a whole year!” I hissed, bringing her bemused face up to mine. “I miss them too, you know. But we just have to put on a brave face until lunchtime.”
“Doors open in ten, nine, eight …”
I adjusted the horned headband, checked my photo backdrop was straight, and turned towards the doors as they swung open, and the crowd swarmed in.
* * *
“Jemma!” a trio of voices chorused, and my heart leapt into my throat. I craned my neck over the aliens and Vikings and superheroes all lined up to see me, and there they were.
Don’t cry, Jemma! You’ll ruin your makeup!
“My girls!” I called out to them, waving frantically and swallowing back the lump in my throat. There they were, beaming back at me, their mums behind them, peering around in wide-eyed bewilderment and whispering to one another. “Are you okay waiting? I’m so sorry, it’s been hectic all morning!”
They nodded, Faith and Harper’s newly growing-in hair bobbing around their cheeks. Ellie had a fuzz covering her head and the look of someone who was immensely grateful to have escaped the hospital for the day.
I blinked back my tears and grinned at the man dressed in the most elaborate parrot costume I’d ever seen—feathers and all—who was holding up a little pirate ensemble to his beautiful cinnamon-coated ferret.
“Awww, your daddy wants to be your sidekick!” I cooed, stroking its nose and producing a treat. “Can I?”
The man nodded, and his fur baby chomped away happily as he handed over his card to pay.
The next few people produced their photo tickets, and I came out from behind the table, scooping up a very bemused Luci and posing with a princess, a witch, and Michelangelo from the Ninja Turtles in front of the backdrop. Michelangelo took their picture with a Polaroid camera and chatted animatedly with me as it developed before bashfully asking if I would sign it.
How was this my life? I was signing autographs for teenage mutants who thought I was a celebrity while selling more stock in a few hours than I usually would in six months.
And then my girls made it to the front of the line.
“You look fire!” Faith beamed. Harper looked a little conflicted, but I knew that to her, devils were considered evil, so I gave her a pass.
But Ellie wrapped an arm around my waist and proclaimed, “That costume is eating and leaving no crumbs, Jemma!”
I giggled. “Thanks!” I gestured to their matching angel wings. “You all look so great, too! I’m so glad they let you out for the day, Ell.”
Her smile widened. “Even better. I’m done with chemo! They said the cancer is in remission, and I get to go home!”