And there it was. Silver, nondescript, easy to conceal inside a pocket.

A Soul Token.

“You did it, Boss!” Beezle howled, tail thumping frantically on the lava stone floor. “You know what that means …”

I marvelled at the small item, which, if my calculations were correct, had the potential to save Hell.

“We go to the Human Realm, and we test it out,” I murmured.

“Daddy’s gonna be so proud!” Bub panted merrily.

“Yes, well …” I coughed into my hand, still staring down at my small, shining invention. “I think we should do some research, you know. Find the right human to test this out on. Before we say anything to Father.”

I pocketed the Soul Token. “After all, if the test goes awry, there might not be a chance to attempt this again …”

1. Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men

Chapter 1

Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men

Jemma

“Hey Jemma, why is mine all wonky?”

“Jemma, the string just fell off the thing! Ooh, I’m a poet and I didn’t know it!”

“Guess what, Jemma?! My mum has a crochet penis, and our dog likes to chew on it!”

I choked back a bellow of laughter and, slightly red-faced from the picture of Ellie’s Schnoodle deep-throating her mum’s woollen penis, I dealt with one thing at a time.

“Wow, Ellie, that’s a fun and quirky thing for Mum to have!” I said loudly and brightly, then leaned closer and lowered my voice—a secret between two girls. “Might be best though if we don’t out Mum as the owner of handmade genitals in front of your friends, okay?”

“Aren’t all genitals handmade though, Jemma? Handmade by God?” Harper asked.

I groaned inwardly. No, I was not getting into a discussion about religion … or my utter disbelief in the existence of any of that nonsense … with these girls. These girls particularly.

Mental note: don’t use a stage whisper when you’re actually trying to keep your voice down …

Ignoring Harper’s God remark, I looked down at the few rows of rather wonky stitches she’d managed.

“It’s just your first try, Harper, and you’re doing so great! You should have seen how loopy my first go was, and I was a fully grown adult when I started. But if you really, really want it to be straighter, you need to keep the tension on the yarn consistent. Like this …” I wrapped my hands around her fingers and showed her how to maintain tension through a few stitches.

“You try that on your own for a few rows now, okay?”

Harper nodded, her tongue poking out the corner of her mouth in concentration as she set to work. Thankfully, all talk of God was forgotten.