Chapters (174)
- Content Warning
- A Note to Readers on my Choice of Language
- Dedication
- Prologue
- SJ
- 1. Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Jemma
- 2. Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- SJ
- 3. Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Jemma
- 4. Dinner and a Devilish Show
- Dinner and a Devilish Show
- SJ
- 5. Messages from FriendPay
- Messages from FriendPay
- Jemma
- 6. First Date with a New Soul
- First Date with a New Soul
- SJ
- 7. Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Jemma
- 8. No Pressure …
- No Pressure …
- SJ
- 9. Mount Those Horns of His
- Mount Those Horns of His
- Jemma
- 10. A Soft Spot for Mice
- A Soft Spot for Mice
- SJ
- 11. Date Faking
- Date Faking
- Jemma
- 12. Spicy Girl Dreams
- Spicy Girl Dreams
- SJ
- 13. Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Jemma
- 14. Ratty-Man
- Ratty-Man
- SJ
- 15. Sordid Bathroom Romps
- Sordid Bathroom Romps
- SJ
- 16. An Outright Lie
- An Outright Lie
- Jemma
- 17. Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- SJ
- 18. Ferretcon
- Ferretcon
- Jemma
- 19. Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Jemma
- 20. It’s a Date, Big Boy
- It’s a Date, Big Boy
- SJ
- 21. The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- Jemma
- 22. Distracted by Other Parts
- Distracted by Other Parts
- SJ
- 23. My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- Jemma
- 24. A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- SJ
- 25. Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Jemma
- 26. That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- SJ
- 27. Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- SJ
- 28. Pesky Feelings
- Pesky Feelings
- Jemma
- 29. A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- SJ
- 30. Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Jemma
- 31. Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Jemma
- 32. Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- SJ
- 33. Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Jemma
- 34. Dare You
- Dare You
- SJ
- 35. Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Jemma
- 36. Mystical Semen
- Mystical Semen
- SJ
- 37. A Goner for the Son of Satan
- A Goner for the Son of Satan
- Jemma
- 38. An Unnecessary Attachment
- An Unnecessary Attachment
- SJ
- 39. A Leaf Out of Her Book
- A Leaf Out of Her Book
- SJ
- 40. Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Jemma
- 41. Devils Don’t Cry
- Devils Don’t Cry
- SJ
- 42. He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- Jemma
- 43. Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- SJ
- 44. It’s a Grand Gesture
- It’s a Grand Gesture
- Jemma
- 45. Permanently in Purgatory
- Permanently in Purgatory
- SJ
- 46. Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Jemma
- 47. The B Team Strikes Again
- The B Team Strikes Again
- SJ
- 48. Not My Nightmare
- Not My Nightmare
- Jemma
- 49. Hold On, Mouse
- Hold On, Mouse
- SJ
- 50. My Heroic Devil
- My Heroic Devil
- Jemma
- 51. Not a Religious Celebrity
- Not a Religious Celebrity
- SJ
- 52. The Devil I Know
- The Devil I Know
- SJ
- 53. Let Them See
- Let Them See
- Jemma
- 54. I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- SJ
- Epilogue: Not Quite One Year Later
- Jemma
- And … Another Epilogue
- SJ
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Layla Pine
- About Layla
Ezra rolled his eyes. “Well, maybe not six months, but …”
“Matchmaker extraordinaire!” I crowed. “You said to me on Thursday that you wished you had my confidence talking to men. Well, that’s what you got … maybe not the way you thought, but hey, it worked!” I poked him in the side. “You better name your first child after me!”
Ezra’s horrified expression had me giggling heartily.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves …” he wrapped me up in a tight hug. “But thank you, again. We’re going out for dinner tonight!”
A little pang jolted through my belly at those words, but I pasted my brightest smile on my face and winked. “I won’t wait up.”
And then I turned, busying myself with sorting out my cash tin, and straightening up my stand, and feeding another treat to a very bouncy Luci. Ezra was far too good at reading my moods. And I was suddenly overwhelmed with loneliness. The thought of him out dating, while I was delighted for him, made me want to curl up on the couch in my underwear and eat my feelings.
Which reminded me that I really needed to get myself over to my favourite market stand. The one that sold the literal best donuts on the planet. And even better, they were gluten-free. Which meant I could actually eat them.
A warm, tingly sensation washed over me. I shivered, glancing around. What kept giving me this weird, tickling feeling that I was being watched? There was no one nearby, except Humphrey potting, or whatever it was called, next door, and Ezra watching him from a chair at the back of my stall. Only a few people were browsing the earring stand across the path.
But the feeling persisted. I collected Luci from her cage, scooping her into my arms, nuzzling her soft fur and adjusting her shell bra.
“Holy …” Ezra mumbled, getting to his feet. “Who in the hot Draco Malfoy is that?”
I rolled my eyes. “You’ve just scored a date with Hottie Potter next door. You don’t need to be scouting for another wand right now!”
Ezra snorted. “One wand is enough for me. But I can still objectively objectify a sexy blond.”
I threw him a wry glance, deciding to play along. “Alright, are we talking book Draco, or movie Draco?”
Ezra leered at me. “Fanfiction Draco.”
“Holy Hell!” I leapt to my feet, scanning the path, which of course was suddenly crowded. “Where?”
Ezra chuckled, pointing. “He headed that way.”
I craned my neck, stepping out from under my gazebo. My stomach fluttered when, several stalls away, I caught a glimpse of a blond head above the crowd, set on a pair of shoulders that I could quite easily picture myself clinging to while I acted out all sorts of depraved things. Many of them straight from the smutty books I loved so much.