Chapters (174)
- Content Warning
- A Note to Readers on my Choice of Language
- Dedication
- Prologue
- SJ
- 1. Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Crochet Penises and Stinky Shadow Men
- Jemma
- 2. Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- Bubble Bath … Interrupted
- SJ
- 3. Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Objectively Objectifying a Sexy Blonde
- Jemma
- 4. Dinner and a Devilish Show
- Dinner and a Devilish Show
- SJ
- 5. Messages from FriendPay
- Messages from FriendPay
- Jemma
- 6. First Date with a New Soul
- First Date with a New Soul
- SJ
- 7. Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Shag Your Way Out of This …
- Jemma
- 8. No Pressure …
- No Pressure …
- SJ
- 9. Mount Those Horns of His
- Mount Those Horns of His
- Jemma
- 10. A Soft Spot for Mice
- A Soft Spot for Mice
- SJ
- 11. Date Faking
- Date Faking
- Jemma
- 12. Spicy Girl Dreams
- Spicy Girl Dreams
- SJ
- 13. Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Brunch with the Stinking Undie Stain
- Jemma
- 14. Ratty-Man
- Ratty-Man
- SJ
- 15. Sordid Bathroom Romps
- Sordid Bathroom Romps
- SJ
- 16. An Outright Lie
- An Outright Lie
- Jemma
- 17. Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- Soul Reaping and Passive Misery
- SJ
- 18. Ferretcon
- Ferretcon
- Jemma
- 19. Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Bossy, Domineering Alpha Male
- Jemma
- 20. It’s a Date, Big Boy
- It’s a Date, Big Boy
- SJ
- 21. The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- The Stretchiness of Human Orifices
- Jemma
- 22. Distracted by Other Parts
- Distracted by Other Parts
- SJ
- 23. My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- My Biggest Weakness. My Worst Enemy
- Jemma
- 24. A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- A Super Creepy Diarrhoea Fetish
- SJ
- 25. Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Big and Red and … Glowing?
- Jemma
- 26. That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- That’s Why I’m Afraid of the Dark
- SJ
- 27. Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- Giant Softies and Sizeable Stiffies
- SJ
- 28. Pesky Feelings
- Pesky Feelings
- Jemma
- 29. A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- A How-to Book on Seducing Human Maidens
- SJ
- 30. Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Both Her Downstairs Holes
- Jemma
- 31. Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Fuck with Her and Find Out
- Jemma
- 32. Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- Lovesick for Jemma Bliss
- SJ
- 33. Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Nobody’s Gonna Be Looking at Your Face …
- Jemma
- 34. Dare You
- Dare You
- SJ
- 35. Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Let Me Play with My Pretty Mouse
- Jemma
- 36. Mystical Semen
- Mystical Semen
- SJ
- 37. A Goner for the Son of Satan
- A Goner for the Son of Satan
- Jemma
- 38. An Unnecessary Attachment
- An Unnecessary Attachment
- SJ
- 39. A Leaf Out of Her Book
- A Leaf Out of Her Book
- SJ
- 40. Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Walking, Talking Red Flag
- Jemma
- 41. Devils Don’t Cry
- Devils Don’t Cry
- SJ
- 42. He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- He Wasn’t a Mafia Boyfriend
- Jemma
- 43. Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- Wholesale Slaughter of Archangels
- SJ
- 44. It’s a Grand Gesture
- It’s a Grand Gesture
- Jemma
- 45. Permanently in Purgatory
- Permanently in Purgatory
- SJ
- 46. Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Eldest Spawn of Satan
- Jemma
- 47. The B Team Strikes Again
- The B Team Strikes Again
- SJ
- 48. Not My Nightmare
- Not My Nightmare
- Jemma
- 49. Hold On, Mouse
- Hold On, Mouse
- SJ
- 50. My Heroic Devil
- My Heroic Devil
- Jemma
- 51. Not a Religious Celebrity
- Not a Religious Celebrity
- SJ
- 52. The Devil I Know
- The Devil I Know
- SJ
- 53. Let Them See
- Let Them See
- Jemma
- 54. I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- I Never Really Wanted Your Soul
- SJ
- Epilogue: Not Quite One Year Later
- Jemma
- And … Another Epilogue
- SJ
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Layla Pine
- About Layla
“Boys can be mermaids, too!” I reassured Paisley. “I don’t have any stock of this design, though. It’s still a prototype. Orders only for this outfit today.”
“Can I have it, Mum? Please?” she clasped her hands together, doing that googly eye thing that kids are so good at.
“Why don’t you have a browse. There might be something else that catches your eye,” I told them both. “Luci will keep Jonah entertained.”
As the pair wandered my stall, I glanced up. Ezra was helping Humphrey to set up his stall. They were chatting easily.
And Joe had slipped away while I was busy with Paisley.
“I’m sorry, lucky undies,” I whispered, patting myself on the bum. “I should learn to trust that you know what you’re doing.”
* * *
My undies fully redeemed themselves that morning. I was busy—really busy. It seemed that word was finally getting out amongst the ferret-having population that I was making adorable costumes for their best boys and girls.
I’d taken five orders for ‘The Little Mer-ferret’, and I’d sold a bunch of my premade costumes. The wizard had been particularly popular today, although the devil costume was closing the gap. I’d even had a custom order for a pink axolotl costume from a couple with the biggest albino boy I’d ever seen.
“Are you sure you’re a ferret and not a Maltese Terrier in disguise, my mate?” I asked him as I fed him one of Luci’s treats, winding my tape measure around his girthy middle. He nipped my finger. His owners tensed, but I laughed, scratching him on the head.
“Definitely channelling the Maltese vibes, aren’t you?”
His owners cackled at that, and by the glint in their eyes and their wide smiles when they said they looked forward to seeing me again when they collected their order, I was sure I’d secured myself a repeat customer.
My good luck apparently extended beyond my market stall, too. During a lull between customers, Ezra sidled over from where he’d been hanging out, watching Humphrey working his potting magic.
“Thank you,” he whispered, giving my shoulders a squeeze before I could so much as open my mouth to apologise for my verbal diarrhoea.
“Uh … you’re welcome?” I turned to him warily. “Ez, I’m so—”
“Please don’t apologise, Jem.” He pressed a finger to my lips. I eyed him curiously, and he grinned, pushing my glasses back up my nose for me. “Your outburst was perfect! Humphrey told me that he felt like a deer in the headlights last month because he was crushing hard on me!”
Ezra tucked a strand of pink hair behind my ear as a slow smile spread across my face. “Are you telling me, Ezra Van den Berg, that if I hadn’t blurted it out, the pair of you would probably have spent the next six months mooning over each other silently?”