Chapters (116)
- Title Page
- Copyright Notice
- Dedication
- PART 1
- 1. Angst
- 2. Angst and the Journey
- 3. A Girl Is Mildly Traumatized
- 4. A Girl Is Off to Colorado, Apparently
- 5. Angst and Socializing
- 6. A Girl Is Here for the Introspection
- 7. Angst and the Shower Girl
- 8.???
- 9. Angst and Fishing
- 10. A Girl Is Sampling Sisterhood
- 11. Angst and Swimming
- 12. Is a Girl Alive?
- 13. Angst and All-Consuming Confusion
- 14. A Girl Is Clammy
- 15. Angst and Older Sisters
- 16. A Girl Has Been Caught Off Guard
- 17. Angst and Flashbacks
- 18. A Girl Is Trying to Reconnect
- 19. Angst and Reprocessing
- 20. A Girl Is a Little Disoriented
- 21. Angst and Hypothetical Miracles
- 22. A Girl Is Not Doing That
- 23. Angst and Fire Choir
- 24. A Girl Is Rapt with Attention
- 25. Angst and Metal
- PART 2
- 26. A Girl Is Playing the Long Game
- 27. Angst and Hikes
- 28. A Girl Thinks This Pitch Is Going Well
- 29. Angst and Saying Yes
- 30. A Girl Is on Her Ass
- 31. Angst and Cellular Device Access
- 32. Angst and Goodbyes
- 33. A Girl Is on a Plane
- 34. Angst and the Middle Seat
- 35. A Girl Doesn’t Understand Your Compliment
- 36. Angst and LAX
- 37. A Girl Is Going to Implode if Siri Keeps Ignoring Her Calls
- 38. A Girl Has Never Been to Her Mom’s House
- 39. Angst and Salons
- 40. A Girl Appreciates a Donut
- 41. Angst and Jamie’s Room
- 42. Angst and Dad
- 43. A Girl Can Rock a Catfish
- 44. Angst and Rom-Coms
- 45. A Girl Needs Adventure
- 46. Angst and Improv Practice
- 47. A Girl Fancies Zarar
- 48. Angst and Empathy
- 49. A Girl Is Questioning Everything
- 50. Angst and Pizza Hangs
- 51. A Girl Is Taking All the Calls
- 52. Angst and Good/Bad News
- 53. Angst and Preparation
- 54. A Girl Needs to Do Better
- 55. A Girl Is on Time for Once
- 56. Angst and Emails
- 57. A Girl Gets Feedback
- 58. Angst and Expectations
- 59. A Girl Is on the Train Again
- 60. Angst and a Barbecue
- 61. A Girl Does Family Dinner
- 62. A Girl Is Braving Another Open Mic
- 63. Angst and Ice Cream
- 64. A Girl Needs a Break
- 65. Angst and Vulnerability
- 66. A Girl Is at a Rooftop Soiree
- 67. Angst and Ideas
- 68. A Girl Is Conflicted
- 69. Angst and Storytime
- 70. A Girl Is Inferior
- 71. Angst and Preparations
- 72. A Girl Meets a Family
- 73. A Girl Has Lost Control
- 74. A Girl Is a Hot Mess
- PART 3
- 75. Angst and Road Trips
- 76. A Girl Is Running on Fumes
- 77. Angst and Recall
- 78. A Girl Is Having Trouble with This
- 79. Angst and Resolve
- 80. Angst and Confrontation
- 81. A Girl Is Hanging with Her Family!
- 82. A Girl’s Head Is Spinning
- 83. A Girl Ruined Everything
- 84. Angst and Intervention
- 85. A Girl Is Not Sure How to Proceed
- 86. Angst and Support
- 87. A Girl Has Some Work to Do
- 88. Angst and Progress
- 89. A Girl Isn’t Tired
- 90. Angst and Birthdays
- 91. A Girl Is Voluntarily Here
- 92. A Girl Wants to Make It Better
- 93. Angst and Letting Go
- 94. A Girl Works a Meeting
- 95. Angst and Wine
- 96. A Girl Is Enjoying Herself
- 97. Angst and Bridges
- 98. A Girl Is Going for It
- 99. Angst and Los Angeles
- 100. Angst and Hope
- 101. A Girl Has One More Letter
- 102. A Girl Is Trying Again
- 103. Angst and Pride
- 104. A Girl Is Freaking Flying
- Epilogue
- JAMIE
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Christine Riccio
- About the Author
- Newsletter Sign-up
I lean to place my right hand on the far edge of his headrest, avoiding his hair, and spin back toward the seats in front of us, freeing my left foot and bringing it in close to my body as I bend my right leg to dismount into the aisle.
Holy poop! I did it! My heart beats unevenly in my chest. I almost want to raise my arms in triumph like a gymnast.
I giggle to myself as I reach the bathroom without getting in trouble. The plane rattles as I push in the vacant door and close it behind me. That was kind of fun.
I re-clasp the overalls, close the toilet, and flush before turning to the little sink to wash my hands. These airplane sinks always make things overly complicated. If the water would stay on for more than one second, I could do this efficiently.
I’m drying my hands when I catch sight of neon orange at my shoulder in the mirror. I glance up to take stock of my full reflection and do a double take before stumbling back into the flimsy bathroom wall. What the—?
“Jamie?!” I hiss.
Jamie is staring back at me in the mirror. Not me.
I clasp a hand over my mouth. So does Jamie. I scream behind my hand, it comes out muffled.
Oh my god. I’m seeing things. I squeeze my eyes shut. Maybe I’m dreaming. Maybe that’s how I got away with hopping over a sleeping man.
I count to eight and recall five things that are on planes to resettle my brain. Floppy seat belts. Poorly placed outlets. Disgusting bathrooms. Silver carts of hot food. Shades for the windows.
I open my eyes again.
Jamie is still in the intercoursing mirror! But … it’s not the Jamie with dark locks I said goodbye to. It’s Jamie without a scar. Jamie with half-brown, half–neon orange, wild unkempt hair. Blue nose ring. Chipped nails. Jamie, the first time I saw her.
My breathing hitches. No, do not have a panic attack here.
I actually slap myself. “Wake up!” I yell at Jamie’s reflection. The air shimmers with glitter. I growl at it, swatting the area near my face.
I showered twice earlier!
I fall close to the mirror and put my hands against it. Jamie’s reflection follows. I step away and look down at myself. I pull my hair in front of my face. It’s dark. My hair is black. Mirror me/Jamie is doing the same with her hair.
I hastily scrub my hands again and burst out of the bathroom. I need a flight attendant! I lock onto one on the left side of the plane, past the middle partition of seats.
“Excuse me!” I yelp, grabbing eye contact as the young man turns my way.