Chapters (116)
- Title Page
- Copyright Notice
- Dedication
- PART 1
- 1. Angst
- 2. Angst and the Journey
- 3. A Girl Is Mildly Traumatized
- 4. A Girl Is Off to Colorado, Apparently
- 5. Angst and Socializing
- 6. A Girl Is Here for the Introspection
- 7. Angst and the Shower Girl
- 8.???
- 9. Angst and Fishing
- 10. A Girl Is Sampling Sisterhood
- 11. Angst and Swimming
- 12. Is a Girl Alive?
- 13. Angst and All-Consuming Confusion
- 14. A Girl Is Clammy
- 15. Angst and Older Sisters
- 16. A Girl Has Been Caught Off Guard
- 17. Angst and Flashbacks
- 18. A Girl Is Trying to Reconnect
- 19. Angst and Reprocessing
- 20. A Girl Is a Little Disoriented
- 21. Angst and Hypothetical Miracles
- 22. A Girl Is Not Doing That
- 23. Angst and Fire Choir
- 24. A Girl Is Rapt with Attention
- 25. Angst and Metal
- PART 2
- 26. A Girl Is Playing the Long Game
- 27. Angst and Hikes
- 28. A Girl Thinks This Pitch Is Going Well
- 29. Angst and Saying Yes
- 30. A Girl Is on Her Ass
- 31. Angst and Cellular Device Access
- 32. Angst and Goodbyes
- 33. A Girl Is on a Plane
- 34. Angst and the Middle Seat
- 35. A Girl Doesn’t Understand Your Compliment
- 36. Angst and LAX
- 37. A Girl Is Going to Implode if Siri Keeps Ignoring Her Calls
- 38. A Girl Has Never Been to Her Mom’s House
- 39. Angst and Salons
- 40. A Girl Appreciates a Donut
- 41. Angst and Jamie’s Room
- 42. Angst and Dad
- 43. A Girl Can Rock a Catfish
- 44. Angst and Rom-Coms
- 45. A Girl Needs Adventure
- 46. Angst and Improv Practice
- 47. A Girl Fancies Zarar
- 48. Angst and Empathy
- 49. A Girl Is Questioning Everything
- 50. Angst and Pizza Hangs
- 51. A Girl Is Taking All the Calls
- 52. Angst and Good/Bad News
- 53. Angst and Preparation
- 54. A Girl Needs to Do Better
- 55. A Girl Is on Time for Once
- 56. Angst and Emails
- 57. A Girl Gets Feedback
- 58. Angst and Expectations
- 59. A Girl Is on the Train Again
- 60. Angst and a Barbecue
- 61. A Girl Does Family Dinner
- 62. A Girl Is Braving Another Open Mic
- 63. Angst and Ice Cream
- 64. A Girl Needs a Break
- 65. Angst and Vulnerability
- 66. A Girl Is at a Rooftop Soiree
- 67. Angst and Ideas
- 68. A Girl Is Conflicted
- 69. Angst and Storytime
- 70. A Girl Is Inferior
- 71. Angst and Preparations
- 72. A Girl Meets a Family
- 73. A Girl Has Lost Control
- 74. A Girl Is a Hot Mess
- PART 3
- 75. Angst and Road Trips
- 76. A Girl Is Running on Fumes
- 77. Angst and Recall
- 78. A Girl Is Having Trouble with This
- 79. Angst and Resolve
- 80. Angst and Confrontation
- 81. A Girl Is Hanging with Her Family!
- 82. A Girl’s Head Is Spinning
- 83. A Girl Ruined Everything
- 84. Angst and Intervention
- 85. A Girl Is Not Sure How to Proceed
- 86. Angst and Support
- 87. A Girl Has Some Work to Do
- 88. Angst and Progress
- 89. A Girl Isn’t Tired
- 90. Angst and Birthdays
- 91. A Girl Is Voluntarily Here
- 92. A Girl Wants to Make It Better
- 93. Angst and Letting Go
- 94. A Girl Works a Meeting
- 95. Angst and Wine
- 96. A Girl Is Enjoying Herself
- 97. Angst and Bridges
- 98. A Girl Is Going for It
- 99. Angst and Los Angeles
- 100. Angst and Hope
- 101. A Girl Has One More Letter
- 102. A Girl Is Trying Again
- 103. Angst and Pride
- 104. A Girl Is Freaking Flying
- Epilogue
- JAMIE
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Christine Riccio
- About the Author
- Newsletter Sign-up
She glances at me over her shoulder. “Damn, that’s a heavy door.” Jamie takes a few steps toward me before pivoting and charging the door again. This time she plows torso-first into it with a groan of exertion. It opens about forty-five degrees. She slips inside and disappears into the house.
“Jamie!”
The door closes behind her. What the intercourse?
“Jamie!” I screech again.
After thirty seconds of silence I slide off the bench and wander over to the door. The weightlessness of my new short hair throws me for a moment. It feels … weirdly good. Light.
“Jamie!” I yell from directly outside the door. “Come out. Please. This place could be rotted through! Or have asbestos!”
She doesn’t answer.
“Great.” I glare for another ten seconds before pushing into the door myself. The wood feels hard and cold, like concrete. I have to dig my sneakers into the dirt to get it to open and then use my upper body strength to make enough space to slither inside.
It’s dark when the door closes, and then a light clicks on overhead. I don’t see Jamie.
“Boo!” She leaps out from behind me.
I go still. “Could you not?”
She laughs and comes to stand beside me. “Glorious, right?”
The cabin is one room, much like our retreat cabins. Across the floor on the far wall is a giant old-fashioned chest: the kind you see on TV holding overflowing bouts of treasure or a dead body. An old wooden rocking chair moves almost imperceptibly in the far corner. A lone light bulb dangles from the center of the ceiling and the wood floor is covered in debris. Leaves, sticks, dust. Gross.
“It bears a striking resemblance to the studio apartment I was evicted from last month.” Jamie smiles at me.
I turn to meet her eyes. “You were evicted?”
“You think I voluntarily live with Dad?”
“I don’t … you never—” I turn my attention back to the floor. “I don’t know. Can we leave now?”
Jamie nods. “In a minute. I was waiting for you to come in so we could open that giant-ass chest together. What do you think is inside? Sandwiches? Rocks? Treasure? My hopes and dreams?”
I huff. “No.”
“A puppy?” she asks in a childish voice.
“I think nothing. There’s probably nothing in it.”
She fearlessly throws herself onto the nasty floor and starts unlocking the six bolts that hold it closed.
“Jamie, I really don’t like this—”
“Come sit next to me over here.” She gestures to the area next to her.
With a groan, I walk over and carefully lower down to my knees. The floor is cold and hard, like the door.
She undoes the final buckle, glances at me, and throws open the top with a delighted flourish. I blow out a confused breath as it bangs against the wall.