Chapters (116)
- Title Page
- Copyright Notice
- Dedication
- PART 1
- 1. Angst
- 2. Angst and the Journey
- 3. A Girl Is Mildly Traumatized
- 4. A Girl Is Off to Colorado, Apparently
- 5. Angst and Socializing
- 6. A Girl Is Here for the Introspection
- 7. Angst and the Shower Girl
- 8.???
- 9. Angst and Fishing
- 10. A Girl Is Sampling Sisterhood
- 11. Angst and Swimming
- 12. Is a Girl Alive?
- 13. Angst and All-Consuming Confusion
- 14. A Girl Is Clammy
- 15. Angst and Older Sisters
- 16. A Girl Has Been Caught Off Guard
- 17. Angst and Flashbacks
- 18. A Girl Is Trying to Reconnect
- 19. Angst and Reprocessing
- 20. A Girl Is a Little Disoriented
- 21. Angst and Hypothetical Miracles
- 22. A Girl Is Not Doing That
- 23. Angst and Fire Choir
- 24. A Girl Is Rapt with Attention
- 25. Angst and Metal
- PART 2
- 26. A Girl Is Playing the Long Game
- 27. Angst and Hikes
- 28. A Girl Thinks This Pitch Is Going Well
- 29. Angst and Saying Yes
- 30. A Girl Is on Her Ass
- 31. Angst and Cellular Device Access
- 32. Angst and Goodbyes
- 33. A Girl Is on a Plane
- 34. Angst and the Middle Seat
- 35. A Girl Doesn’t Understand Your Compliment
- 36. Angst and LAX
- 37. A Girl Is Going to Implode if Siri Keeps Ignoring Her Calls
- 38. A Girl Has Never Been to Her Mom’s House
- 39. Angst and Salons
- 40. A Girl Appreciates a Donut
- 41. Angst and Jamie’s Room
- 42. Angst and Dad
- 43. A Girl Can Rock a Catfish
- 44. Angst and Rom-Coms
- 45. A Girl Needs Adventure
- 46. Angst and Improv Practice
- 47. A Girl Fancies Zarar
- 48. Angst and Empathy
- 49. A Girl Is Questioning Everything
- 50. Angst and Pizza Hangs
- 51. A Girl Is Taking All the Calls
- 52. Angst and Good/Bad News
- 53. Angst and Preparation
- 54. A Girl Needs to Do Better
- 55. A Girl Is on Time for Once
- 56. Angst and Emails
- 57. A Girl Gets Feedback
- 58. Angst and Expectations
- 59. A Girl Is on the Train Again
- 60. Angst and a Barbecue
- 61. A Girl Does Family Dinner
- 62. A Girl Is Braving Another Open Mic
- 63. Angst and Ice Cream
- 64. A Girl Needs a Break
- 65. Angst and Vulnerability
- 66. A Girl Is at a Rooftop Soiree
- 67. Angst and Ideas
- 68. A Girl Is Conflicted
- 69. Angst and Storytime
- 70. A Girl Is Inferior
- 71. Angst and Preparations
- 72. A Girl Meets a Family
- 73. A Girl Has Lost Control
- 74. A Girl Is a Hot Mess
- PART 3
- 75. Angst and Road Trips
- 76. A Girl Is Running on Fumes
- 77. Angst and Recall
- 78. A Girl Is Having Trouble with This
- 79. Angst and Resolve
- 80. Angst and Confrontation
- 81. A Girl Is Hanging with Her Family!
- 82. A Girl’s Head Is Spinning
- 83. A Girl Ruined Everything
- 84. Angst and Intervention
- 85. A Girl Is Not Sure How to Proceed
- 86. Angst and Support
- 87. A Girl Has Some Work to Do
- 88. Angst and Progress
- 89. A Girl Isn’t Tired
- 90. Angst and Birthdays
- 91. A Girl Is Voluntarily Here
- 92. A Girl Wants to Make It Better
- 93. Angst and Letting Go
- 94. A Girl Works a Meeting
- 95. Angst and Wine
- 96. A Girl Is Enjoying Herself
- 97. Angst and Bridges
- 98. A Girl Is Going for It
- 99. Angst and Los Angeles
- 100. Angst and Hope
- 101. A Girl Has One More Letter
- 102. A Girl Is Trying Again
- 103. Angst and Pride
- 104. A Girl Is Freaking Flying
- Epilogue
- JAMIE
- Acknowledgments
- Also by Christine Riccio
- About the Author
- Newsletter Sign-up
“You weren’t here for the lecture; you can’t just get in the water!” Zarar says.
The girl wades farther in, yelling back to him, “I’m fine, Zarar. I’ve read the safety manual!” She yelps as the water level rises. “SHIT, THIS IS COLD! Shit, shit, shit!”
She climbs into my boat, right over the bow. Her hands brace against the edges and she steps in, landing in a crouch while I watch like a dumbfounded deer.
“What are you doing? Stop! Go get your own! Leave me alone!” I find myself shrieking as half the lake falls off of her with a freezing splash and settles into the bottom of the boat.
She grins as I scream at her, casually situating herself on the plank opposite of mine.
“Are you absolutely insane?” I spit. “Zarar is still yelling at you from the shore!”
She doesn’t even turn around. She keeps smiling like she’s amused. Like we’re friends. “Then we should paddle out farther so we can’t hear him.” The momentum of her climbing in has sent us considerably farther out already.
I gape at her. Something about her is … unsettling. Probably the blue nose ring.
Now that she’s so close, I can tell she’s around my age. She doesn’t look … threatening. The bits of her wavy shoulder-length hair that aren’t splayed upward toward the heavens in the fountain are sticking out in every direction around her face.
We’re drifting outward now with the current. Should I row us back? I glance over her shoulder at the beach. Zarar is watching, but he’s no longer shouting.
I turn back to the girl. “I don’t want you in my canoe. I’d like you to leave me alone. I reported you to Terry this morning.”
Her lip curls back in a weird little snarl. “You reported me to Terry?”
“Yes, you violated my personal space.”
Her eyes are kind of familiar.
She blinks. “Siri, you ran into me!”
I look away and cycle through a row. And then another, trying to suffocate the unexpected onslaught of anxiety rising in my chest. I focus on the burn in my shoulders. “I said I was fine and you didn’t leave! I don’t like talking to people. I wanted you to leave me alone and you didn’t and it was weird and now you’ve hijacked my canoe!”
“Do you really not recognize me?” Her voice sounds raw.
I squint, pulling the oars through the water again because if I stop, I know the panic will get me. Why am I getting so anxious? I was angry before. She’s just a girl. A girl with familiar eyes. And terrible fashion sense.
She looks confused, and sad. And then her eyes go blank. “Dude, we really need to talk.” Her fingers fiddle with her overall clasps like she pushed the emotions from her face to her fingertips.