“Aces, thank the damn heavens.” A hiccup pops out of me. “Lady Torres, I’ve missethed thou so freaketh much. I am so, so sorry, I hath been the biggest dicketh in the land.” Hiccup. “I have taken you for granted so hard. I think you’re a sensational writer, and I wish I included you in my set planning a long, long time ago. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Siri. I’m a dumb dumbass and I thought you would think less of me. That’s why I don’t tell most people most things. I’m just starting to realize how much of a moron I’ve been. I love you. Please don’t hate me forever. I need my best friend. I am such a stupid asshole sometimes.”

Dawn’s dimples pop onto her cheeks as I finish my monologue. “Bitch. I have waited so long to hear you say that.” She sucks in a breath. “Wow, you are so gross when you cry.” A single drop of water falls from her eye.

I snort through my unrelenting blubbering. “Shut up.”

She wipes away her single tear. “I love you too, and I’ve missed you tremendously. Tell me everything. Every fucking detail of the last twelve days, and then and only then will I fill you in on anything that’s happened on my end, got it?” She grins.

There’s snot dripping down my face. I wipe it with the back of my hand. “Okay, should we start from today and work our way back? I met a guy’s parents. Wait, also I had mind-blowing sex last night and it sucked not being able to tell you about it after. Oh shit, I cooked a meal for humans and it wasn’t horrible. It was the worst, not being able to tell you every detail of everything right after everything!” I gasp. “Oh my god, I met the ‘Wrecking Ball’ YouTube guy last night!”

Dawn’s face lights up. “No! ‘I Came into the Dining Hall’?”

“Yes! I got a picture. Give me a second, I’m sending it over.” I tap out of the call and throw the picture in a text thread. “Seriously, hold on to your ponytail because this is gonna be a wild roller coaster of shit. I haven’t even gotten to tell you about my bomb.”

“What bomb?” she says.

“The show I bombed so hard the week before the retreat that I went on the retreat.”

“I called that.” Her phone pings. She taps around and then gasps again. “And that’s the girl!”

I nod triumphantly. “That’s the girl!”

“Dude!! I wish I were there!”

“I wish you were here!”

“Get your ass back to California!”

“Should I do my set for you now or later? Because more than anything ever, I want your notes.”

“Stop jumping around and start from the beginning!”