Grams: Sorry I’ve been busy, granddaughter. Let’s cook dinner together again tomorrow night? Your father has promised to get his ass in the kitchen at 7pm. We’ll do a family meal. Your choice of recipe.

Me: Sounds good, I’ll start brainstorming what to make.

People want to hang out with me. People are actively asking to hang out with me.

“What’s up? You’re smiling like a goof,” Dawn says as she unbuckles her seat belt.

“Nothing, my Grams wants to cook with me. I used to love cooking with my mom, but she’s always busy now. I enjoy making stuff on my own, but it’s fun to have company sometimes.”

Dawn pushes her lips out in a silly contemplative duck face way, watching me. I unbuckle my seat belt self-consciously. “What?”

“You’re so cute.”

I beam at Dawn across the car console. “Want to help me pick out a recipe?”

“I’d be honored.”

Dawn and I flip through a recipe book in her mom’s kitchen. We’re hip to hip and shoulder to shoulder. Our ice cream kiss flipped on some sort of magnetic switch between us. We haven’t been more than a foot away from each other since we entered the house.

“What’s chicken adobo?” I ask quietly as I draw my finger down the ingredients for a chicken saltimbocca recipe. I’ve been wanting to ask her since she mentioned it.

Dawn leans forward on the island and gazes up at me through her lashes. “It’s this delicious Filipino dish. It’s like sweet and salty and garlicky and tangy. It’s so good.”

My foot starts nervously drawing semicircles over the tile. “Well, if you don’t find it in the wild … or even if you do, I’d love to try to make a chicken adobo pizza with you sometime.”

Her lips break into a heart-stopping smile. “I’d love that.”

I have to grin down at the recipe book to gather myself.

“What sparked this love of cooking?” she asks.

I shrug and flip the page. “I have anxiety, and I guess cooking brings me this sense of Zen. No matter how off-kilter I’m feeling, I can eventually get lost in ingredients and measurements and the precision of it all. Especially when I’m feeling like I’ve let everyone down and I don’t know how to fix things … There’s this sense of accomplishment I know I can get from conquering a recipe. I know I can do that. I know I can follow it perfectly and be proud of myself. And I love seeing people eat the food and enjoy it.” I glance down at a pork chop recipe.

“How often do you feel like you’re letting everyone down?” Dawn asks.