At first, it was fine. I would say, 'Ha ha! I don't know what happened there! My car has phoned you up!'

'Ha ha!' William would reply, delighted. 'How silly!'

And even when it happened twice in the same day, it was somehow charming and bumbling and fine.

But then it did it again.

Brrrrp, I heard. Brrrrp. And then, those two heart-stopping words on the dashboard.

Calling William.

'But I don't want to call William,' I'd plead, just in case this car that can make calls on my behalf can also hear what I'm saying. 'I've called him far too many times already! I've got nothing to say to him!'

But the car would ignore me, and continue to call him, as if to say, 'You may have no business with William this day, but what about me? I am just a car to you, aren't I?'

'Hello?' William would answer, and I would keep quiet for a moment, hoping he might perhaps hang up, or get distracted and lose his phone.

'It's ... me again,' I said. 'My car keeps calling you up.'

I don't know why my car keeps doing this. William's only been in it once, and it's not like they talked or anything. But I must have phoned him once in here. Must have trained the car to think I can't go five minutes without speaking to him. It's got an automatic headlights function. Perhaps there's an automatic William function.

There has to be a bug in the BlueTooth software, I think, sagely, and then I realise I don't even really know what that means, and to be honest, I'd better come up with something to say to William when he answers.

Brrrrp.

Hang up!, I think, pressing the button that looks like it should be the right one. But the arrogant car ignores me.

After the first few times it did this, I'd tried to get away with it.

'Hey,' I'd say, confidently. 'Just thought I'd give you a quick call! To, um, say cheers for the other night!'

And William would say, 'Yes!', and then there'd be a pause, where we'd both slowly realised I'd said this the last time my car had decided to phone him.

It could be worse, I think, as the brrrrps continue. There are worse people in my phonebook the car could have chosen to pester every time I drive somewhere. A dentist, maybe, or a cab firm. I'd have to keep ordering cabs to drive alongside me, wherever I go!

And then my blood runs cold.

Or Les Dennis! I've got Les Dennis's number! What if my car kept phoning Les Dennis? Maybe it does! Maybe every night when I park it, it calls Les Dennis! Maybe they've been meeting up!

There's another brrrrp. Maybe I'm going to get away with this. Maybe Will's not around!

'Hey, Will here, I'm not around at the moment...'