I say those last two words in quite an accentuated way, and Tiffany laughs, cheekily, and Jason goes red and joins in, saying, 'Well, maybe he is! Maybe he is The One!'

'Have you kissed him yet?'

'I have! And it was wonderful!'

'Well, then, he's definitely The One. You should marry him.'

'I will marry him! Two months isn't too soon! We will marry, Andrew and I!'

And we all have a little laugh as friends do, and then we smile at each other, and then there is a moment where no one says anything, so we all return to our tacos and hope we're not the first to stop chewing so we actually have to come up with something new to say.

I am momentarily distracted by a fly. It is a pretty fly, as flies go, but not so pretty as I would follow it anywhere. I wonder if anyone has ever followed a fly anywhere. What if there was a fly so pretty that you got up and followed it to Spain? What if a fly ...

'Oh, God.'

I stop thinking my important thoughts and look at Jason.

'Oh, God!'

Hmm. Jason keeps saying 'Oh, God!' He is holding his phone and saying 'Oh, God!' a lot.

'Oh, God, what?' says Tiffany, but Jason isn't listening, because Jason is too busy going white.

'My phone,' he says. 'Andrew's is the first number ... I must've pressed a button ... I've dialled him.'

'That's OK!' I say, brightly. 'Say hello!'

'I just left a two-minute voicemail.'

There is a moment where Tiffany and I keep chewing. And then there is another moment, where we slowly stop chewing. And then there is another, where we swallow our food, and push our plates away, and look at Jason, who looks at us.

'What have we talked about in the last two minutes?' he says, rubbing the bridge of his nose, even though that's something only people who wear glasses can really do convincingly.

'Well,' I say, locking eyes with Tiffany. 'You said that your new boyfriend was The One and that you had kissed him and it was wonderful and that two months wasn't too soon and now you were going to marry him.'

'Marry him?'

'You said marry him,' I say, gravely. 'You said two months wasn't too soon and you were going to marry him.'

We all keep quiet for a moment and take in the gravitas of the situation. Jason sounds like a psychopath.

I see that fly again, and it distracts me for another second, and I am grateful for its input.

'Hey, the phone might not have picked it up!' says Tiff, trying to be little Captain Sensible.

'Look where it is!' replies Jason. We do. It is literally inches from our mouths.

As we stare, it begins to ring.