'GMTV's Richard Arnold blanked you?' I say. 'But he's not my mate. He's yours!'

'I didn't invite GMTV's Richard Arnold. You must've.'

I cast my mind back. Had I invited GMTV's Richard Arnold? I did not remember inviting GMTV's Richard Arnold. But what if I had? Who else might I have invited that I had never before met and do not in fact know? What if Sian Lloyd turned up next? Or Lee Mead?

We both turn and stare at GMTV's Richard Arnold. He is eating a chip.

'What are we going to do?' I say, suddenly panicked. 'GMTV's Richard Arnold has turned up to our private party and is eating a chip!'

'We'll have to ask him to leave,' says Paul.

'We can't ask him to leave! He's a minor celebrity! You can't ask minor celebrities to leave private parties! There are rules! He must've made a mistake! We're in a central London hotspot! Minor celebrities are probably so used to going to parties in central London hotspots that he saw this one and just joined in! Maybe he thinks this is the Shrek premiere! '

'That was about fifteen years ago.'

'Well, what now?' I say, now genuinely worried. 'We can't have GMTV's Richard Arnold thinking he can just turn up to our private functions and sit at a table eating a chip whenever he feels like it! What if he follows us home? What if he thinks he can just move in to one of our spare rooms, or drive about in our cars? What if he steals our pets?'

'I agree,' says Paul. 'It is an inadvertent gatecrash, but GMTV's Richard Arnold must be stopped.'

We turn and stare at GMTV's Richard Arnold. He is looking straight at us. We realise we are both pointing at him, and so we turn away and pretend to be talking about something else.

'I think we've got to just ride this out,' I say. 'How many chips has he had?'

'I think just the one.'

'We're going to have to write that chip off. We'll go halvsies.'

'What if he has another one?'

'Let's cross that bridge when we come to it.'

And then inspiration strikes.

'What if we start hugging everyone?' I say. 'If we start hugging everyone, Richard Arnold might think it's weird that everyone is hugging and realise that he is the only person here who doesn't know anyone to hug! He'll realise his error and might even offer to pay for the chip!'

Immediately, Paul and I start to hug people. We start with each other, and then work our way around the room, hugging our friends but never explaining why. It is both tiring and embarrassing. When we have finished, GMTV's Richard Arnold has vanished. I feel guilty, but it was for his own good, and anyway, chips don't buy themselves.