Imagine if I'd had a Big Mac, I thought. Imagine if I'd had a Big Mac instead of this dry and wilting hummus and pepper sandwich with organic fennel wheat-free bread. I could have a pint now. How nice a pint would be after a Big Mac!

I looked at my watch.

But no, I thought. No pints for you. It is 11.57 in the morning, and as such not an appropriate time for a pint. For that would be morning drinking, and morning drinking must frowned upon.

At home, I took a sip of my spinach, parsley, celery and carrot smoothie-juice with Echinacea and wheatgrass boosters, and noticed that Loose Women was on.

I could just watch a bit. I thought. Just to find out what their take is on the important issues of the day. And then maybe see who the guest is. Perhaps Jackie Brambles will be interviewing Danny John-Jules about a bad play he's in.

And then I snapped out of it.

No, I thought. No Loose Women for you. For it is the middle of the day, and there is work to be done. The middle of the day is no place for Loose Women.

And then I watched for half an hour anyway.

Why must these rules blight my life? I thought, wandering downstairs, laden down with guilt, the thoughts and philosophies of Carol McGiffin still ringing in my ears. Why must there be such rules? Why can I not spend my days eating Big Macs and watching inappropriate television? Is it merely because I am neither a student nor pregnant? Surely that is discrimination!

I got on with my work.

But the next day, something had changed.

I am taking the day off! I thought, as I lay in bed. Today will be a day of freedom! Of fun! Of breaking the rules! Just like I used to! Before there were any rules to break! Today will be the day ... I eat a Big Mac!

I immediately call Colin.

'Colin! It's me! Let's have a Big Mac!'

'What? Eh? Why?'

'Because it is time to break the rules!'

'What rules?'

'You know! The rules! You must have some!'

'There are no rules to McDonald's, my friend,' says Colin. 'Just as there are no rules to love or war.'

'What about the once-a-week rule?'

'Oh yeah, there's that rule.'

'Come on! Let's set out on a brave, day-long adventure! We could do something crazy! We could go to Pizza Hut! Or we could order a bottle of wine somewhere and when they say, "Do you want some water for the table?" we could say "No!".'

'I like it!' says Colin. 'We could purposely not eat our five-a-day!'

'Yes! Or eat more salt than is good for us! We could shovel salt into our mouths while watching Come Dine with Me in the middle of the day!'

I was excited now.