But not everything's perfect. Just minutes ago I walked past a room marked 'Sluicing Chamber' and now I can't eat my muffin. I don't know what a Sluicing Chamber is or what it is that needs sluicing but early in the morning is no time to be thinking about it, and a muffin doesn't taste the same once someone's pointed it out.

We sit in our chairs and stare at the wall.

'Exciting, though!' I say to my wife. 'Seeing how he's developing! Imagine if he's wearing the same clothes as me! Or if he's already got a little moustache. Or if it's a she, and she's got one. That'd be weird.'

'It would be weird,' replies my wife, looking at her phone. 'It would be very weird.'

'Do you think one day a woman will be born who will really suit a moustache?' I say.

Weirdly, it seems my wife isn't really listening.

Downstairs, ten minutes later, everyone is very serious, as the lady with the machine slathers gel on to my wife's tummy.

'I was just saying,' I say, a wry smile on my face, because these people love a bit of baby humour. 'Wouldn't it be weird if the baby had a moustache? And a little pipe, say.'

The lady doesn't look at me, but says, 'That would be cause for concern, yes.'

And then she reaches for the magic wand that'll help us see inside.

And it is incredible.

'Wow,' I say.

'Wow,' says my wife.

'Hello!' I try, but the baby seems to take after my wife, and isn't really listening. 'That's ... wow ...'

'There's Baby!' says the lady.

'It looks ...' I try and find the right words, the special words that will mark this occasion for ever. '... like the weirdest little alien!'

My wife smiles but the lady doesn't.

'It looks beautiful,' she says.

'Yes!' I say, and thinking about it, that would have been better. 'A beautiful alien, I mean. Like ET. Not like the Predator, or anything. That would be a worry, if it looked like the Predator. That would be cause for concern. But our one looks like a beautiful ET.'

No one says anything for a bit.

'Now, Baby's the wrong way up at the minute,' says the lady. 'But they know what to do. Baby will turn itself around in good time. No good it coming out legs first!'

My wife laughs, and so do I.

'That'd hurt!' she says, and we all laugh again. This is nice.

'Of course,' I say, squeezing my wife's hand. 'Sometimes they come out sideways ...'

The lady puts her magic wand away and looks at us, very seriously.

'They do not come out sideways,' she says, and then turns to my wife. 'Please, do not worry about that. Baby will take care of it.'