She tries to make an impressed face, but secretly, we both know that this is not a task force. Although on the plus side, the world is not about to be destroyed by a meteorite, because even if I were prime minister, I wouldn't expect me, Tim Lovejoy and Jon Tickle to sort it out.

I put my suit on, and I go anyway. I arrive at 7.30 on the dot and quickly text my wife.

'You stink!' I write.

It's an in-joke, dating back a few years, when I'd decided to text my mum the very same thing, just to see how she'd react. But there's no instant reply, so I turn my phone off, I take a deep breath, and I knock on the door.

Inside Number 10, I find a coffee and pat Jon Tickle on the back. He turns a little too quickly and spills my coffee on the Downing Street carpet.

'Well, looks like I've made my "mark" on history!' I say, which was very clever of me, but Tickle's not listening, because he's looking at his notes.

'You've got notes?' I say. 'How come you've got notes? Were we supposed to bring notes?'

'Just a few salient points to raise,' says Tickle, and suddenly Lovejoy's there.

'How come every time the world's in danger, they call on us three?' I say, but Lovejoy's not listening either, because as it turns out, it's not just us three - it's Attenborough, Bryson and Pratchett as well. How am I supposed to compete with that lot?

And then a door swings open and the Prime Minister walks in. He pauses for a moment to say hello to Heston Blumenthal, who's also appeared, and says something important to Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. And then he fixes his eyes on me and Jon Tickle, and strides over, hand out.

'Thank you,' he says, sincerely, and shaking my hand, 'for all your hard work.'

I look at him, confused.

'Not at all,' I say. 'It's been a pleasure.'

And he's gone again.

'All my hard work?' I whisper, to Jon. 'I've not done anything yet. Or does he mean on things like Richard & Judy? Is that what he's thanking me for?'

But we will never know, because we are called in for our very important meeting.