I’m lying on sumptuous silk, listening to you arguing with your wife. Why is Saffron fighting with you, Miles? Did she see us in the kitchen, when you were only being reassuring and kind? My stomach contracts. Will she make sure I lose my job? If I do, I haven’t even got a return ticket to fly home. I’ve no savings left to keep me going if I’m not earning. Maybe I could take Jono up on his offer, and go to live in his squat.

71

Caprice

The argument I have waited so long to hear is finally ripping across our landing. I smile to myself. I step out of my bedroom and lean down over the banister. I see you swiping your hand across my son’s face. There is only so much a man can put up with. Being slapped in the face by a difficult woman is one step too far.

You’ll soon be gone, you selfish skinny bitch. You won’t get away with this.

72

Miles

I am standing on the landing, face stinging after you have slapped me. Suddenly I am looking at the scene as if from a distance. An aerial view. A photograph. Every time we row, Mother has something to do with it. Hayley caused trouble. Hayley mentioned Mother. Aiden caused trouble. Aiden mentioned Mother. Julie was the centre of the last problem and she definitely blamed Mother. Mother, Mother, Mother, who has always doted on me too much. Maybe I should have listened to you about my mother years ago, Saffron. Maybe it is my mother who is tearing our relationship apart.

‘Come on, let’s get back into our bedroom,’ I tell her. ‘Everyone can hear us. We’ll wake the boys up next.’

You stand firm, eyes like granite. ‘Why should I do what you say?’

I take a deep breath. ‘Come on, Saffron. Let me explain. I can assure you I’m telling the truth. It isn’t what you think.’

You stand eyeballing me as if you hate me. ‘Saffron, I love you. Please give me another chance to explain.’

‘OK, OK.’

You walk across the landing and step back into our room. I follow you and close the door. My stomach contracts in embarrassment. Everyone in the house must have been woken up and listening.

You turn towards me, eyes spitting. ‘Go on then, explain why you were caressing our nanny.’

‘I wasn’t caressing her. That’s inflammatory.’

‘What were you doing then?’

‘Hayley has a crush on me, and Mother must have noticed. I think you’re right. She must have lied and told Hayley she thought I had feelings for her too. To cause trouble between us. To hurt you.’

‘So you’re finally admitting your mother has done something wrong?’