I’m packing, so sad to be going. Living here has been like moving through a beautiful dream. I stuff my expensive swimming costume, my designer clothing I bought to beguile you, and my Christian Dior make-up into my scruffy rucksack, grey with dust from my travels. I won’t need any of this in the squat with Jono. It will be jumpers, jeans and trainers. Eating crappy leftovers from the local market, and drinking cider that tastes like methylated spirits. As I leave I steal three photographs from the album Caprice used to show me in her bedroom. No one will notice they are missing. One of you. One of Caprice. One of Ben and Harry cuddling each other in the armchair by the white marble fireplace. I know which male I’ll miss most and he isn’t a child.

176

Saffron

I’ve just taken Ben and Harry to school, returned home and cleared up the breakfast dishes. I’m sitting drinking Lavazza coffee at the kitchen table. It’s so peaceful in Wellbeck House, without your stabbing grey eyes. Without your sulky lips mispronouncing dear. I do not miss your bitchy ways. Your bitchy comments. And as for Miles, who was my biggest worry, he seems to be getting over your death. His drinking has returned to its normal level. And he has returned to being full-on in bed. A friend of mine, who is a relationship counsellor, once told me that when a man feels in control in the bedroom he feels in control of his life. So maybe our antics between the sheets have helped improve Miles’ perspective.

Aiden is keeping away. I guess he has finally accepted I’m not interested. That has taken another weight off my shoulders. The way he doted on me never pleased me, it just made me feel uncomfortable. Both his presence, and you, my mother-in-law’s, were like a cloud hanging over me.

And Hayley? I miss her in a strange sort of way. She was helpful and kind. Calming and sensible. It just bugged me the way she used to look at Miles.

177

Miles

I didn’t enjoy your comments about my drinking, Saffron. So I’m sitting in the drawing room, drinking my new tipple, elderflower pressé. Looking out of the window, thinking about my mother. She was a beautiful woman. Doe-eyed. Sleek. Elegant. I was nurtured in the hothouse of her love. But why has she caused all this trouble?

Now I have been made aware of the contents of her will, I know you have always been right. My mother was dangerous; and so is her legacy. I won’t let anyone harm you, my beautiful Saffron. I am so relieved Hayley moved out without making too much fuss. For the next six months I’ll be watching out for you like a hawk.

178

Hayley