Deposited at the front gate of Wellbeck House, I stall as the gate code eludes me. Then it begins to whisper slowly across my mind. I manage to press it into the control and the gate slides open. I tiptoe across the drive. I don’t want to wake Mother, or Hayley or the children. But I do want to wake you, Saffron. I want to wake you, to hold you. To tell you I love you. The key to the front door struggles against my fingers. I fight it and fight it, until eventually it turns. I push the door open and creep upstairs.

Into our bedroom. I snap on the light. My heart fills with happiness. You are here, my angel, my love. But you sit up in bed, wide-eyed and snarling. Like a tigress, with bared teeth. Not the sweet pretty woman I love.

‘Where have you been?’ you bark.

‘Out for a drink with Aiden,’ I hear myself slur.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I did. I texted you. I called you. You didn’t reply. I thought you’d stayed over at Julie’s. That’s why I went out.’ My words are running together. Indistinct. Heavy.

‘I wouldn’t do that without letting you know.’ There is a pause. ‘Now you’re back, how about telling me why you’ve been texting Julie?’

‘I … haven’t.’

‘Don’t lie. I know you have.’

I fall backwards onto the bed. The world turns black.

I wake up with my head hammering so hard that my jawbones ache. My mouth tastes of charcoal embers. I look down and see that I am still fully dressed. You are lying next to me. As soon as you see that I am awake you roll over, on top of me. The pressure of your body against mine makes me feel sick. You begin to thump me, to pummel me.

‘What is it, Saffron? What’s the matter with you?’ I ask.

‘You’re lying to me. You have been texting Julie and I want you to tell me why.’

‘I have not been texting Julie.’

The impact of your punches increases. Slower. Harder. More painful.

‘Stop it, Saffron,’ I beg. ‘I’m feeling sick.’

You are sitting on my stomach now. ‘So am I. Sick of you. Sick of your lies. Tell me why you’ve been texting her.’

‘No.’

‘So you admit you have?’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’ I push you away and roll off the bed. I pull myself up to standing, so weak I fear I might faint. Nausea overcomes me. I dash to the bathroom and vomit.

24

Hayley