‘It’s Aiden. You’re late – I just wanted to check whether you were all right. I’m at your house, waiting for you to come home.’

‘Of course I’m all right,’ you reply. ‘Why are you at our house? Are you all right? Is everything OK at home?’ Your voice is strained. Cross.

‘I just fancied a bit of company this evening.’

126

Saffron

I press red on my iPhone to silence Aiden. Waiting at home to see me, after the worst day I’ve ever had at work, in my whole life. The ambulance arrived after I had fainted, even though we had done our best to cancel it. I felt so guilty wasting the paramedics’ time. But they were patient and kind. Two young women, both less than thirty, I guess. When I apologised and said I was sure I was all right, they just replied, ‘We’re here to check. Every call is a priority to us.’ So they took my blood pressure, my heart rate, and even an ECG. Obviously looking for a stroke or a heart attack. Fortunately everything was normal, and they left to go to their next call. Ted and Julie finally released me from the prison of my office, allowing me to take an Uber home. I couldn’t face tube and train today.

But now I’m stuck in the taxi, gridlocked by traffic, and Aiden is lying in wait for me at Wellbeck House. The driver is listening to my favourite radio station, Classic FM. John Brunning’s melodious voice soothes me. He plays some Holst and the music wraps me in the comfort of beauty. The scream begins to die inside me.

When I arrive at the house it’s strangely silent. Aiden steps into the hallway to greet me, a grin enveloping his cheeky face.

‘Where is everyone? Hayley? The children? Caprice?’ I snap. ‘I know Miles is stuck in a staff meeting. He texted me half an hour ago.’

‘I encouraged them to go out because I wanted to talk to you, alone.’

He steps towards me and puts his arms around me. My body stiffens. I push my elbows into his ribs so hard he jumps away.

‘Get out. Go away. Leave me alone.’

And the scream that has been bursting inside me, trying to explode for hours, rises. It reaches the air and blasts into the hallway.

127

Aiden

You pushed me out of your front door on Friday evening, after screaming and screaming. It gave me such a shock when you had been so nice to me lately. And now I am sitting at the ritual family Sunday lunch, watching you. You look depleted. You haven’t spoken to anyone since I arrived. Not even to your children, or to Miles.