But they do not see me, so I have no choice but to read the newspaper. Again. And check I’ve got the crossword clues right. As I check the clues my mind plays tricks. For a second I am back in time doing the crossword with Rupert, sitting so close to him that our breath is entangled. I remember the feel of him. His scent of Old Spice mingled with tobacco that was always so reassuring, so comforting. My stomach lurches as I remember the way he would hold me in bed, hug me and love me. Every night and every morning. Old and alone, no one ever touches me now.

I watch you with Miles, taking him for granted, Saffron. Leaving him so often at evenings and weekends to pursue your own life. How is it fair that you still have your man, and I do not have my Rupert?

They are here, at last, walking across the café towards me, faces red and radiant, grinning broadly. Their wet hair slick against their heads like a pod of seals. They look so happy I determine not to complain about how uncomfortable I’ve been. I just won’t come here again. I’ve heard grandparents complaining about the artificiality of Center Parcs. But Center Parcs cannot be any worse than this, except for the fact you have to stay there overnight.

‘Hello, Granny,’ Harry says. Ben nudges him. ‘I mean Caprice.’

I ignore that mishap. ‘What can I get you for lunch? It’s my treat,’ I say and pause. I wrinkle my nose. ‘I’ve looked at what’s available. It’s a limp sandwich. Or something and chips.’

‘Something and chips,’ they reply, almost in unison.

‘Well then you’ve got two choices: fish or chicken nuggets.’

The boys bleat for nuggets. The adults fancy fish. I walk across to the counter, order and pay.

‘I’ll bring it across when it’s ready,’ a pale young woman wearing no make-up says. She really ought to do something to brighten herself up.

As I step back towards the table, I look across at Miles, Hayley, Ben and Harry. They are chatting, heads together like a family. A family that has time for one another. A real family.

51

Hayley

‘Mmm, thank you, Caprice. That was delicious. Fish and double-cooked chips. Done well, there’s nothing better,’ I say.

Caprice looks across at me and smiles. She is a good-looking old girl. Smooth skin. Large round eyes. Pale blonde hair, so pale it’s almost white, shining in the pool’s halogen lights. Tastefully dressed as usual, like a model in a cruise catalogue. Slacks and a blouse. A beauty really. Hard to believe she’s nearly seventy years old.

‘Caprice,’ Ben says pointedly, ‘will you take me to the bathroom?’

‘And me?’ Harry adds.

‘I’ll go,’ I volunteer.

‘No. That’s fine, dear. I’m happy to go.’