‘How many times have I asked you not to call me Granny? It makes me feel old.’

We are stationary in a line to turn right. I look across at him and see his eyes pool with tears.

‘But … but … I think I love my mummy too much. She’s my favourite person. I want to hug her forever and tell her every thought in my head.’

The traffic moves, so I pull my eyes away from him to concentrate on the road. Ben might have passed an entrance exam to an academic day school, but he really needs to tighten up on his people observation skills. It just shows you how academic intelligence isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. How can he love Saffron more than anyone in the world, when his father is someone as generous and kind as my son Miles?

Fortunately, we do not have to continue this conversation any further. We have arrived in the school car park and it’s time to drop him off. He opens the car door and sidles out.

‘Bye, Granny, thanks for the lift.’

My stomach tightens. Doesn’t he ever listen to a word I say?

Ben and Harry Jackson now deposited at their places of education, it’s time for my compensation for doing the school run. The school gate mums have invited me to join them for their once-a-week catch-up. Coffee at a local café. They are real mums. Even though they can’t afford to send their children to the most prestigious private schools, I admire them because they’re mums with time for their families. You are so irresponsible in comparison. With my help you could afford a top-end school like Charterhouse, but still you rail against it. And you don’t make it up to Ben and Harry by being there for them. Your children have the worst of both worlds.

I step into the café. Wooden tables. Wooden floors. Rustic but modern. I look across at the young mums, sitting together on two brown leather sofas. Cradling their mugs of coffee, heads back laughing. And suddenly, from nowhere, Rupert’s loss hits me. I was young once, like them, looking after my children, in charge of my family unit. Adored by my husband. I thought my life would be like that forever. And now it has gone. And Rupert has gone. His face moves towards me in my mind’s eye, and I want to reach out and stroke his cheek. Pull him towards me and kiss him.

I bite my lip to stop tears falling, before turning around and walking out of the café. I’ll feel stronger, more able to cope with company next week.

7

Hayley