Dear. Incorrect as usual. Why does my stomach tighten every time you say it? At least you do as I suggest and leave to go upstairs. Five minutes later, as I am walking across the hallway with your tea, the front door opens.

Hayley and Miles are home, walking towards me. Hayley’s face is covered in red blotches. Eyelids puffy. She must have been crying.

‘What’s happened?’ I ask.

‘Nothing,’ Miles replies. ‘We’ve had a lovely evening, haven’t we, Hayley?’

‘Yes. But I’ve got a bad bout of hay fever so I’ll be straight off to bed.’

Hay fever? At 11 p.m., December, in Esher? Shoulders down, avoiding my gaze, she scuttles across the hallway.

‘I’m knackered,’ Miles says. ‘I’m going straight to bed too.’

‘I’ll just take this tea to Caprice and then I’ll join you.’

By the time I enter our bedroom, Miles is already in bed. All the lights are off. I undress in the bathroom and sidle into bed next to him. I reach for his hand and squeeze. He squeezes back.

‘What happened?’ I ask.

‘Nothing much. Nothing to worry about. I’ll tell you tomorrow evening.’

I don’t sleep a wink all night, worrying about Caprice letting the boys go to a stranger’s house overnight without telling me. Worrying about what she’s up to now.

65

Miles

I hear you breathing shallowly next to me, Saffron, and I know you’re not asleep. I know you want to talk. But I don’t want an interrogation. I need privacy. Peace in which to think. What did I do to encourage Hayley? I’m a university professor, with students. What if I give them the wrong impression? I’ve already had a close call once. If it happened again, I could lose my job. And, Saffron, you would never forgive me. Is this Mother’s fault, like Hayley suggested? No. I can’t believe Mother would be the architect of this.

I want you to know I feel the same way.

What way? I want to scream and shout. Is Saffron right, Mother? Are you always trying to cause trouble between us? Do you hate my wife? But when I’m on my own with you, you always say nice things about her. On our wedding day you told me how pleased you were that I was marrying her.

The evening was a nightmare. After Hayley’s revelation I said, ‘Let’s leave the restaurant – we shouldn’t be having dinner together.’

Her face crumpled. ‘But I’ve never been to a restaurant as beautiful as this. And Caprice has already paid the bill. Please, please, can we just pretend I didn’t say anything?’