Miles and Aiden are devastated of course. And, much to my surprise, Hayley is too. She is skulking about the house, head down, red-eyed and sniffing. And the children? They seem to be taking it in their stride, using the opportunity of us all being distracted to watch Harry Potter videos, endlessly.

I always imagined how I would feel when you passed. I thought I would feel free as a bird, with a soaring sense of happiness. But now, even after your body has been taken away, I just feel empty.

146

Miles

I am standing in Mother’s bedroom, looking out of the window, at the tennis court and the swimming pool, thinking about her life; all she gave to me. How she cared for me. How much she loved me. How she minimised Aiden, and treated me as if I was the only one. How much I came to rely on her love; to take it for granted. My body aches for her. I feel physical as well as mental pain; as if she has been cut away from me with a knife.

But our love is so strong it must transcend death. Her energy and love will live inside me forever. I must take comfort in that. And if at the end of my life, I am alone, dying slowly in an inescapable corner, at least I will always know I had the warmth of my mother’s love.

147

Saffron

Miles is upstairs in your bedroom. He spends a lot of time up there at the moment, now that your body has been removed. Gentle sunlight pours in through the kitchen window, as I sit drinking a cup of tea. I need to try and distract Miles from his grief. I’ll try and coax him to come for a walk in Windsor Great Park later, for old time’s sake. We haven’t managed to go for ages. We might as well do something. We’ve both taken time off work, and we have been so directionless we haven’t even chosen the hymns for the funeral service yet.

The post thumps through the letter box. I step into the hallway and pick it up. A letter addressed to me, franked by your solicitor. Strange it isn’t addressed to Miles as well. Curious, I rip it open.

Dear Saffron,

If you are reading this letter, I will already be dead. I pre-arranged for my solicitor to send this letter to you posthumously.

I know you murdered me. So do the police.

Did you really think you had fooled me? By the time you receive this letter I hope the police will be on their way to arrest you. They have received a letter too. A letter to help them carry out their duty.