Smiling inside, I make a show of taking a deep breath and giving a heavy sigh. ‘The truth is, Mother is right. He was deeply in love with her.’ I pause for effect. ‘She left him, and he was devastated. He’s just too proud to admit it.’ You lean back in your chair, holding your stomach as if my words have punched you and winded you. ‘It made things very difficult between us. He hardly spoke to me for years after Julie and I got together,’ I continue.

You sit up straight, swallowing to push back your tears. But one escapes and trickles down your right cheek. You wipe it away with your serviette.

‘I didn’t realise you went through a patch of not speaking,’ you almost whisper.

I finish my glass of Bourgogne Aligoté, and catch the waitress’s eye to get her attention. She walks straight over. I wave my glass at her. ‘Another large one please.’ She smiles, nods, and disappears.

‘Why do you think we hardly saw one another, when you first met Miles?’ I ask.

You take a sip of sparkling mineral water. ‘I just thought it was because you were both busy studying,’ you mumble into your glass.

‘Think again. Miles couldn’t bear to see Julie and me together.’

You look up, azure blue eyes misted with tears. ‘But … but … that was years ago. And we have built our life together. Do you think he still has feelings for her?’

‘Love like that doesn’t disappear.’

20

Saffron

Saturday afternoon. Worry about Julie, Miles, and my financial problems with Belgravia Private Clients, is making me feel nauseous and tired. And now, when I should be spending quality time with my family, I’m driving down the A3, towards West Wittering Beach. To visit Julie in her new home. I pull off the A3 at Eashing because she told me it’s a nice drive through the Downland villages.

Love like that doesn’t disappear.

And Belgravia Private Clients is about to go under. Unless … unless … I get a loan extension and a juicy new client. I need to be pushy and schmooze. But this week I have been far from in the mood. I have spent most of my time sitting in my office keeping away from Julie and fretting. My whole life, everything I have built up, is collapsing around me.

This drive is calming me, though. I have Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake turned up full blast to soothe me. I’m on my way to do something about my plight. To find out what Julie has to say. And she is quite right. The drive is pretty. If everything goes wrong for me, perhaps I can move out of Esher, start a new life, further away from London. That’s what Julie has done, even though it’s a long way to travel to work.