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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

I heard a splash. Someone had jumped overboard and was swimming towards the shore.

Each time the yacht shifted in the water the waves hit harder and harder. Salt water mixed with the fear in my throat.

Possessions were sliding around the deck. At my feet a teddy bear, a yellow ribbon tied around his neck.

‘Any last words.’ The boy shoved his phone in Anna’s face, filming her despair.

‘Go fuck yourself.’ I knocked the mobile from his hand.

The people who had jumped had the right idea. We were going down fast, too fast.

‘What… what are we going to do?’ Anna could barely speak though her sobs.

‘We’re not far from shore. We can swim,’ I shouted over the alarm.

‘But I can’t—’

‘But I can. I’ve got you.’ There didn’t seem to be any sort of plan. We were closer to the island we had left. I could make it, even with Anna.

I was certain.

‘Come on.’ I scrambled over the railing; the yacht was now at such an acute angle there wasn’t much of a drop. ‘Anna?’ I held out my hand. ‘Jump.’

‘I can’t.’ She placed both hands over her stomach.

It was on me to protect her. My wife. My son or daughter. The thought was both exhilarating and terrifying. The love I felt, primal. I would get us out of this. I would.

‘You can. I’ve got you.’ I wouldn’t let her fall, either of them. I was Samson-strong.

‘I can’t… Adam…’

The alarm beep-beep-beeped in time with my heart, which was now in my mouth. What was I going to do if she refused to jump?

‘Anna, please,’ I said evenly as my feet kicked below the surface, the proverbial swan. I stretched out my arms. ‘Trust me? Please, Star. For me.’

She put one leg over the railing, hesitated.

‘I’m so scared,’ she whispered.

‘I know, but I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise.’

Slowly, tentatively, she climbed until she was on the other side of the railing. There was another lurch.

She screamed.

Slipped.

Fell into the water with a loud splash. She disappeared under a wave. I dove beneath the surface and could see her sinking. Deeper and deeper. I swam like I’d never swam before until she was in my arms. They were both in my arms. My wife and child. She struggled. Kicking her legs frantically, dragging us both down again. I broke through the surface. Again and again I fought for us to break free.

‘Anna! Stop struggling!’ I shouted as we burst into sunlight once more. ‘Relax. Relax your body. I promise you, you’re safe. Star. Relax.’ Suddenly she became limp.