It broke my heart that I couldn’t give Anna what she wanted and yeah, I saw through her barbed ‘I only asked you for one thing’ comment. We both knew she wasn’t talking about the shopping. Despite the endometriosis, I felt entirely responsible, like I was less of a man. Rationally I knew that with someone else, someone different, I might have the chance of a family but I’d never once thought about leaving Anna. ‘You should leave. That would make me happy,’ she had said, but I knew she didn’t mean it. I hoped she didn’t mean it. I think she felt the guilt as much as me. Feeling less of a woman, but she was all woman. This I was reminded of each time the app on her phone beeped to tell her she was ovulating and we pounded up the stairs to bed while I tried to prepare myself mentally: ten minutes to curtain call.

We had visited a clinic to check the quality of my sperm. They had handed me a plastic pot and directed me to a room full of porn but it had been Anna I had thought about. Barefoot at our wedding reception. Crown of flowers. Laughing riotously at something Nell had said.

I missed Nell.

Josh did too. ‘Couldn’t we start hanging out again?’ he had asked.

‘Josh! Nell is married now. Time to move on, mate.’

‘Giving up is not an option,’ he had said.

Had Anna given up too soon on their friendship? I wished Nell were here to help Anna through this. I thought she would be if Anna was honest with her, but she couldn’t or wouldn’t be, and in shutting Nell out, a chasm had opened between us all. Nell and Chris’s social circle widening to include other parents, and our social circle ever decreasing.