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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

‘I… I was pregnant today, when I went back. About seven or eight months, I think.’

Oliver processes this for a moment.

‘I didn’t tell you earlier because… it’s personal. My life and yet,’ she shakes her head, ‘it isn’t my life.’ She sweeps her arm around the room. ‘This is my reality unfortunately.’

‘If I could change things for you, I would.’

Their food arrives and the conversation lightens to the tourist attractions on the island. Anna tells him about the lava caves she had visited with Adam when they first met.

‘Have you been?’

‘No,’ Oliver says. ‘I’m a bit all work and no play, I’m afraid.’

‘It was incredible. Each one was a themed room with furniture and everything. All underground. There was even a dance floor.’

‘Ah, now I definitely won’t go. Nobody needs to see me dancing. Clem said I resembled somebody with their finger stuck in a plug socket.’ He makes jerky movements with his arms. ‘Adam thinks he’s Kevin Bacon in Footloose,’ Anna smiles.

‘Stick on the soundtrack and he’ll be up there doing his thing.’

‘I’ve never seen that film,’ Oliver admits.

‘Adam would be horrified to hear that. He’s obsessed with Eighties music and movies.’

They finish eating, lingering over coffee.

‘So…’ Anna looks at him intently. ‘Can we… can I take part in the trial again?’

‘I don’t know, Anna. I should probably take it back to development stage and check everything is safe. Something isn’t right with the computer not recording and then there’s your nosebleed and headache.’

‘How long would that take?’ Anna asks.

‘Months.’ Oliver wants to be truthful.

‘It may be too late for Adam then. For me. Oliver… I was pregnant.’

‘I think perhaps we could try again, but this time I have to be the one taking part.’

‘No! Oliver, you promised I could try.’

‘And you have, Anna. I need to see for myself.’

Emotions slide across Anna’s face. ‘I appreciate you’ve spent years working towards this and of course you want to try it but… not yet. Soon, but I’m still adjusting to all of this. It’s okay for you. Science is your job. Your passion. You understand its capabilities. A few days ago, I didn’t know anything about consciousness and Adam, he isn’t… he isn’t just a subject to me. Today seems like a dream almost. I want to do it again.’

‘Anna, I think I made a mistake letting you try. I didn’t think about the effect it would have on you mentally, when you had to stop.’

‘But you did consider that on some level. You wouldn’t have insisted on me seeing Eva otherwise. You’re a good man.’

Is he? Oliver wonders if he was just following procedure. Ticking boxes. There is no checklist for morality. Was he playing God?