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Chapters (100)
  1. Cover
  2. About the Author
  3. Note to Readers
  4. Dedication
  5. Prologue
  6. Part One
  7. Chapter One
  8. Chapter Two
  9. Chapter Three
  10. Chapter Four
  11. Chapter Five
  12. Chapter Six
  13. Chapter Seven
  14. Chapter Eight
  15. Chapter Nine
  16. Chapter Ten
  17. Chapter Eleven
  18. Chapter Twelve
  19. Chapter Thirteen
  20. Part Two
  21. Chapter Fourteen
  22. Chapter Fifteen
  23. Chapter Sixteen
  24. Chapter Seventeen
  25. Chapter Eighteen
  26. Chapter Nineteen
  27. Chapter Twenty
  28. Chapter Twenty-One
  29. Chapter Twenty-Two
  30. Chapter Twenty-Three
  31. Chapter Twenty-Four
  32. Chapter Twenty-Five
  33. Chapter Twenty-Six
  34. Part Three
  35. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  36. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  37. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  38. Chapter Thirty
  39. Chapter Thirty-One
  40. Chapter Thirty-Two
  41. Chapter Thirty-Three
  42. Chapter Thirty-Four
  43. Chapter Thirty-Five
  44. Chapter Thirty-Six
  45. Part Four
  46. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  47. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  48. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  49. Chapter Forty
  50. Chapter Forty-One
  51. Chapter Forty-Two
  52. Chapter Forty-Three
  53. Chapter Forty-Four
  54. Chapter Forty-Five
  55. Chapter Forty-Six
  56. Chapter Forty-Seven
  57. Chapter Forty-Eight
  58. Chapter Forty-Nine
  59. Chapter Fifty
  60. Chapter Fifty-One
  61. Chapter Fifty-Two
  62. Chapter Fifty-Three
  63. Chapter Fifty-Four
  64. Chapter Fifty-Five
  65. Chapter Fifty-Six
  66. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  67. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  68. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  69. Chapter Sixty
  70. Chapter Sixty-One
  71. Chapter Sixty-Two
  72. Chapter Sixty-Three
  73. Chapter Sixty-Four
  74. Chapter Sixty-Five
  75. Chapter Sixty-Six
  76. Chapter Sixty-Seven
  77. Chapter Sixty-Eight
  78. Chapter Sixty-Nine
  79. Chapter Seventy
  80. Chapter Seventy-One
  81. Chapter Seventy-Two
  82. Chapter Seventy-Three
  83. Chapter Seventy-Four
  84. Chapter Seventy-Five
  85. Chapter Seventy-Six
  86. Part Five
  87. Chapter Seventy-Seven
  88. Chapter Seventy-Eight
  89. Chapter Seventy-Nine
  90. Chapter Eighty
  91. Part Six
  92. Chapter Eighty-One
  93. Chapter Eighty-Two
  94. Chapter Eighty-Three
  95. Author’s Note
  96. Book Club Questions for The Life We Almost Had
  97. Acknowledgements
  98. Extract
  99. Chapter One
  100. About the Publisher

‘It’s so much more than that with the addition of sense recognition. Machines are artificially intelligent; they can’t pick up on the nuances, what a person is feeling. By connecting to Adam’s consciousness with the addition of these goggles, I can really absorb myself in Adam’s mind – if there’s anything going on, of course. I’ll be able to experience—’

Taste, touch, feel.

Know.

It was all too much.

I sank heavily onto the armchair, trying to imagine Adam here. My things in the next room.

‘Do you have to be in the scanner too?’ I asked. ‘Could Adam merge with—’

‘God no. It’s nothing like that.’

‘I’ve seen The Fly and—’

‘There’s absolutely no danger of anyone’s teeth falling out or them growing wings.’

‘But… will Adam…’ My questions clogged my throat. There were so many things I wanted to ask, but I was almost afraid of the answers. ‘Is… is it dangerous?’

Oliver fell silent.

‘Is it?’ I probed.

‘It shouldn’t be. I’m almost certain.’

‘Almost?’ Almost wasn’t good enough.

‘An fMRI is safe for the majority of people – there isn’t any radiation. The magnets can affect certain medical conditions but nothing applicable to Adam. I’ve a contact at the hospital and I’d already checked Adam’s suitability before I approached you. However, as yet it’s untested. Our fMRI uses much stronger magnets than a usual machine and it may carry a small risk.’

‘How small?’

A 3 per cent chance of survival.

‘Negligible. We’ll be monitoring Adam’s heart rate throughout for signs of distress. The person who takes part would be taking a risk, albeit tiny. It’s unprecedented. We’re taking an unknown leap into someone’s – Adam’s – mind without knowing how sharp his memories, his feelings might be. I can imagine it will be draining but I’m hoping tiredness is the only side-effect.’

I dropped my head into my hands. It was all so overwhelming.

‘Anna, I don’t want to rush you and I’m not putting any pressure on you, but Adam’s prognosis… it isn’t great, and given his cardiac arrest last night, well… If you want to do this, we might not have much time,’ Oliver said.